baby rowan: 9 months

mr. baby is 9 months! he's as many months out as he was in (gave or take some weeks, i guess). he's 18lb8oz (10-25%) and 28 1/2" (55%), so shorter and heavier than finn at this age which makes him look a lot bigger in pictures. a lot changed for him this past month and it's happening so quickly! the biggest milestone has been crawling. i mentioned it in the last update and since he first started, he's turned into an expert! so quick to the cords, the tiny flecks of paper, rogue lego parts, and the dogs' food and water. but also quick to his toys, to his mama, to chase his brother.

he can now pull up on everything, so he entertains himself at his music table and busy box, jumps in his crib (now much lower), and attempts to scandalize me while i'm in pajama pants. he loves to get out of the house and experience busy places - he's so much happier when he's not inside our house! he's great at restaurants right now, loves going to the Y drop off center, and enjoys playtime with finn's friends.

he spends most of his time chewing on various objects, crying to be held, or eating. ro loves to eat! he's been branching out and pretty much eats everything but honey. i smash or blend up whatever we're having for dinner - spicy, flavorful foods, meats and sauces and soups - he eats it all. he still eats a lot of pureed veggies for lunch as well as plain and baby yogurt. i've been offering a lot of small bits of food like beans, cheese, bread, frozen fruits, bananas rolled in crumbs, and eggs. he still likes yogurt melts and freeze dried fruit bits, but he is pretty much over puffs and cheerios for the moment.

 

just this weekend (at 9 months and a week or so) he finally cut his first tooth. his poor gums have been swollen and red for weeks. he's been drooly, easily upset, fighting sleep, and pink cheeked, so we've been on tooth watch for what seems like months. the first was his lower right front tooth. the next looks to be the lower left and he's got the upper right front tooth just behind. i imagine by the end of the week all three will be showing. never again will i see him with no teeth! no more gummy baby smiles - which is great since he needs teeth, but sad for me because i just love toothless baby mouths.

we're currently working on sleep. as i've mentioned rowan is not a good sleeper. he struggles to settle himself (as in, he has never settled himself) and does not sleep for long periods - not naps, not at night. i have been increasingly frustrated over this as the lack of sleep affects my days, my mental clarity, my patience...just about everything that keeps me sane and healthy comes from getting sleep. so at our last pedi appointment 4 days ago, she saw how worn out i seem and suggested that i either continue down the path we are on, picking and choosing techniques to try and find something that works for all of us, or we could CIO. i'm going to jot down our experience in another post. it's not for everyone (we did it ever so briefly with finn, too), but neither is feeding a baby every hour an a half all night every night for 9 months, so... i can report that after 3 nights rowan slept straight through the night, 8:30 pm to 7 am without uttering a single cry. i'm hoping that the trend continues and that night wakings become infrequent. we'll all be so much happier!

baby rowan: 8 months

rowan turned 8 months but i've been so tired i almost forgot to blog it! today we found out he has another double ear infection (his third round in less than three months) so that explains some of his cranky behavior and inability to sleep soundly in the last week or so.

rowan continues to be a "spirited" baby. he seems worse than before but perhaps its just the months of sleep deprivation catching up with me. that's not to say that he is never happy. sometimes he is so excited and so happy that i know in there somewhere he's ok. he loves his brother so much and when he's delighted he lets us know. but more often than not, he is whimpering, whining, or full out screaming. i suppose it feels more frequent than it is because i have plenty of pictures of him smiling and content, but i also rarely take pictures of him angry.

he's eating solids all of the time now and if someone else is eating, he wants in on it. he can use his hands to grasp puffs, yogurt melts, and cheerios, holds mum mums and teething biscuits, and attempts to use a sippy on his own. his favorite food is probably yogurt but he'll eat pretty much anything as long as he isn't already angry. i've still been making the majority of his foods and feeding him plenty of whatever we're having for dinner.

he still nurses around the clock about as many times at night as during the day (every 3 hours on average). my supply seems to be dropping just as it did with finley around this time, when my first post partum period returned and baby becomes easily distracted and frustrated by the need to produce a letdown. still, he seems satisfied. we've been feeding him the last of the tub of formula we bought so it doesn't go to waste and honestly it has eased some of the pressure i have over pumping when my supply is low and i don't have a great freezer stash anymore. at this point i am so worn down that i need to take help where i can, even if it's a bottle of formula every few days.

last night (2/12/14) rowan crawled for the first time. he wouldn't sleep so he was up playing and somehow taught himself to crawl while wearing a sleep sack. this from the baby that hated tummy time and wouldn't even do it a week or so ago, doesn't roll from tummy to back, and has no interest in standing or walking. when he finally did go to sleep, he woke himself up every half hour or so by popping up into crawl mode.  i even found him in his crib sitting up, so i guess he's figured out how to go from laying on his back (how i place him to sleep) to sitting upright in one single night as well.

i'm anxious to see if he might pop a few teeth, get past the new crawler stage, and recover from this set of ear infections to come out on the other side a new, happier baby. i keep thinking there must be something that is bugging him and i'm planning to chat more about it with his pedi at his 9 mo visit. we're doing all we can think of to ease his pain and calm him down and just looking for those moments in between when he's smiling his big, gummy baby smile and loving on us like he can't get enough cuddles and attention.

parenting is such a test.  you know it's real, true love when no matter what you still get up every time, you still go to them again and again after hours of screaming, and you hold them close and kiss their soft baby hairs and fight through the madness with as much love as you can muster (at 2, 3, and 4 am this can be tough). and you do it day after day with no real end in sight (though of course all of this will pass and he will not be a little baby and i will mourn the loss of babyhood all the same).

baby rowan: 7 months

well, he's more than half a year old. closer to one than to fresh newborn. as always, impossible! yet, here we are. sleep deprived to no end and still smitten with this chubby cheeked little guy.

rowan continues to be the complete opposite of finley (compare). he is a giggler, happy and smiley when all is right in his world. he's rounder, he's got straight blonde hair, and he can't sleep for anything. so i'll start with that. he doesn't sleep well, especially at night. he has gotten better at naps and sleeps in his crib during the day for those (or in the car since he tags along with finley's schedule). he naps three times a day and one of those is usually about two hours. at night, he falls asleep after a bedtime routine and nursing and starts in his crib. he wakes all night every night with a shrill, awful cry/scream, desperate for someone to hold him. he nurses 3-4 times between midnight and the morning unless i am so tired that i bring him into bed...then he nurses almost all night.

he hasn't slept longer than a 2-hour stretch for at least a month now. we've tried lots of "sleep solutions". all of the no cry ones i can find, cry it out for various lengths of time, nursing on demand, teething tablets, tylenol, lavender on the feet, hot room/cold room, white noise/music/silence, and even formula. i ebf and rarely even pump, but with our recent illnesses i thought maybe he was just so hungry and my supply wasn't enough so we gave him a few bottles a couple of times. he took them like a champ but it provided no relief in the sleep department. night terrors have been suggested but he isn't confused/unable to wake up and he is easily soothed if he gets what he wants. he is crying out to be held all night and even when held, he shrieks to nurse throughout the night. it's impossible! i haven't had a "good" night of sleep in 10 months. i don't think i've even slept for more than 4 hours at a single time for at least 9 months. i feel like i am going crazy with emotions over why he won't sleep and what it's doing to all of us. someday it HAS to click, right? at some point he WILL sleep. that's all i can hope right now.

otherwise, he's a pretty good baby. he is loving solid foods and wants to eat all of the time, especially when he sees anyone eating. he sits up and scoots around a little, leans forward and back to sitting. one of his favorite games is to throw his body into our comforter and then sit back up over and over. he can roll from back to belly but not the other way around (well, not that he does reliably, anyway). once on his belly he gets up on his hands, but no scooting, army crawl, dragging, etc and when he finds himself in this position he just cries. he can't pull himself up on furniture or toys, so no cruising or crib standing unless i place him there. he's mostly a sedentary child :)

he loves his big brother. he takes great delight when finn plays with him and even a glance in his direction gives rowan the biggest smile. just today they played together and rowan was the happiest i have ever seen him - his big blue eyes totally, happily fixated on the antics of his big brother. i hope their bond grows to be something great. i know it will be something i know nothing about, not really. it's when i think about their brotherhood that i realize (among countless other things) they are their own selves. they will have secrets and memories and stories and shared glances that come from times of which i am not privvy. i know this relationship as a sibling/sister, but i won't know THEIR relationship like they do. and it's already starting right here before my eyes.

even despite the lack of sleep, i am desperate to freeze time. i love this age. i love babies sitting up, giggling, happy to play hand clapping games. rowan just started reaching for me when i come to him and it melts my heart. he's beginning to understand kisses and will lean in, open mouthed, for a peck. he's still a baby, swaddled for naps, cuddly and sweet smelling but he's got a big personality and i just want to soak it up for more time.

baby rowan: 6 months

i don't know how i got here. how he got here. 6 months?! my SECOND child is six months old, halfway to a year? i'm so glad and so fortunate to watch him grow but man, slow.your.roll.

rowan at 6 months is like a whole new world. for one, he sits up. since being upright and facing forward to see everything is his favorite, this allows him to see what's going on and he is much happier. when he is happy, he is such a little ball of sunshine. he is starting to play by himself, holding toys and babbling and he really enjoys the jumperoo. everything he touches goes into his mouth and his chewing and drooling leads me to believe he might be teething, but no real signs of anything coming through yet.

we started solid foods and he seems to be getting the hang of it pretty quick. his first food was sweet potato and he's since had apple/pear/cinnamon sauce, avocado, peas, and banana. the only thing he pretty much refused was banana (?). i made all of finn's food and i'll do the same for rowan because i enjoy it. last time i was very strict about introducing foods one at a time but i've already mixed foods and overlapped new foods on a single day. on his third day of trying food he ate the sweet potato dish from thanksgiving (a puree with orange, sweet potato, spices and probably butter) like he'd been downing adult food his whole life.

sleep has been good and bad. naps have greatly improved and he now sleeps 1-2 hours at a time at least once a day and it starting to get a schedule of day time sleep. unfortunately, his night time is consistent...in that he wakes up every night at least 4 times. he goes to bed at about 8:45 and sleeps for about 3 hours. that's his long stretch. he's up every 1.5-2 hours until morning and he nurses every time. i guess the best thing about that is that he goes back to sleep each time and stays asleep. still, finley slept ALL night and i am not used to being this tired. (so. tired.) he's crying a lot less now, though, and i think better naps has helped his overall mood.

at his 6 month well baby we found out he has a double ear infection. i'm not surprised since i've been very sick for over three weeks and passed the cold portion of it over to him. i went in to make sure he was fine, got the all clear/viral, and 2 weeks later - ear infections! he was pretty miserable for a few days with sad, tired eyes and i felt so bad! we also got his stats. 17lb 2oz, 27" which is the same height as finn at this age but two pounds heavier! and as you can see they look almost nothing alike so while brothers, i imagine they will be very different boys.

baby rowan: 5 months

little tiny mr. baby is now 5 months (and some change). cue the dramatics because we're just a few weeks away from 6 months. half a year. how?? little baby is growing and changing and it really is so fun to watch all over again. i don't have any stats since we didn't visit the pedi this month, but he certainly looks older than last month to me. he's wearing 3-6, 6, and 9 month clothing comfortably but since we're trying to use finn's old stuff, he's been wearing lots of too big 6-12 month sleepers since finn wasn't that big until winter and closer to 9/10 months.

activity wise, ro is not a big mover. he does not roll either way and rarely participates in tummy time for any amount of time. he can hold his toes, kick and swat at toys and he easily spots, reaches for and often grabs objects he desires. he is just starting to sit up unassisted but can't be unattended as he easily topples. mostly, he is content being held and does enjoy bouncing in his jumperoo and occasionally playing on his play mat. he's pretty much over the swing and bouncer and so far hates the bumbo. 

he's super cute and it's a good thing because he could not be worse at sleeping. while he has gotten slightly better at napping some days (sometimes he will sleep 1-2 hours consecutively and i am SO thankful), he is unable to sleep for very long at night. he has a bed time routine and is usually nursing before sleep around 8:45pm. this is his long stretch of sleep...until midnight. then he is up every 1.5-2 hours all night. i feed him between 4 and 5 times a night every night because not much else calms him or puts him back to sleep. we have tried soothing, patting, rocking, pacifiers. he gets mad if my husband offers him a bottle (though he will eventually take one). occasionally we are all so tired we let him cry. and he just...cries. so, we are tired. his night time sleep is actually worse now than it was 2 months ago.

as for the breastfeeding, he's still doing well at that. unlike finn, rowan is a comfort nurser. if he had his way, he would nurse every hour. i know that works for some people but it doesn't work for me. this leads him to be sort of fussy quite frequently because i deny him what he wants. we're starting solids at 6 months just as we did with finn and i am hoping that other forms of food might interest him enough to let go of the strong desire to nurse. he is really into meal times and reaches for food so i think he'll be excited to try some purees.

and then there's this one, who looks about thirteen here. i know when he's actually thirteen i will look at photos from this age and think he looks so little, like a baby still, but he just seems SO grown up to me.

baby rowan: 4 months

this baby is 4 months! i don't have his measurements because he hasn't had his appointment yet, but he is bigger! so much chubbier than finn seemed, rounder with shorter legs.

if i could some up this past month in a word or two: please, sleep. i know parents battle with this ALL of the time. i know finn had his moments but we were so spoiled and we didn't know it. rowan does not sleep great. he cannot transition through sleep cycles and he is constantly waking up screaming. honestly, it is so annoying. he is tired and he needs more sleep, but i can't seem to figure out how to help him. we are still swaddling, still using a pacifier, using the swing, trying the crib, quiet, loud, noise machine, and so on... every few days he sleeps like a champ. hours upon hours of straight sleep. most days he cat naps and screams. not all day, but every time he wakes up. if i pick him up/nurse him he will go back to sleep, but he wants that each time, so, every 20 minutes? it's impossible.

he treated us to a few really long night sleeps (8:45pm to 4am one night) but he's now back to going down at about 9:30 pm (we start at 8:30 but it takes that long for him to settle, eat, resettle and fall asleep). he wakes between 1 and 2 am for a feed but goes right back to sleep. he wakes again between 4 and 5 and then again at about 7:30. again, i won't lie. getting up every two hours for a 4 month old is tough. since i know he can sleep for longer (since he has!) it is frustrating, but if i don't nurse him, he screams and wakes everyone up. i don't know what to do so i do the easiest thing. i moved him out of the bed and into his crib pretty easily and mostly i did it because he would prefer to comfort feed all night. i know that works for many people, but it doesn't work for me (and it certainly doesn't work for my husband who can't sleep through it if he makes noise and can't sleep around him if he doesn't..ie, pillows on his face).

to say that the lack of longer/scream-free naps while at home is difficult would be an understatement. and while i'm complaining and before i gush, i'll note that he haaates the car seat. screams as i lower him in, screams as he's buckled, screams through the car ride if we aren't moving (sometimes when we are). if/when he falls asleep it's not so bad, but as soon as we stop he's awake and screaming. there is no easing into it. he's up and he's practically vomiting through his sobs.

but. BUT. he laughs. he loves having his head and neck caressed and finds putting on clothing so hilarious. he is so interactive and expressive now. he found his hands a few days ago and can now grab and hold onto toys. everything goes into his mouth. his fingers, our fingers, all toys, all fabrics. he is a big thumb/finger/hand sucker and drools like crazy. he can spot us from across the room and tips his chin down while smiling coyly. he has been slightly better about playing/being independently and will permit us to set him down on his playmat, in his swing, or in his jumperoo for a few minutes at a time.

also adorable? he's finding his own feet. he can't grab at them yet, but he lifts them up and down and uses them to kick things on purpose (aimed at hanging toys, mostly). and he loves to look at them.

i hope he's the foot grabbing type. i love that!

baby rowan: 3 months

oooh.k. i am behind. here is a picture of rowan at 3 months. he was cute then, cuter now even! i'm working on my four month post, too, since this one is a MONTH behind.

baby rowan in month 3 was tough. he is still working out his sleep schedule, still figuring out how often he might want to eat, still demanding that someone hold him 97% of his day. but, he smiled a ton and learned to giggle so that pretty much makes being tired seem trivial. i'm just going to skip right over this month, really, and post in the 4 month one. oopsies!

the kindness of strangers

today was one of those days. honestly i was feeling pretty good this morning, rocking my mom skill set by cleaning the kitchen while finley played and rowan sat in the swing. we made banana bread and homemade melon lemonade (cooking, check!). finn played with playdoh (art, check!). we browsed the comics and the newspaper together (reading, check!). finn ate a great lunch and went right down for nap. of course rowan didn't nap much and as he does, struggled to rest really at all. 

when finn woke up early we had to head to the post office. i sold a camera and it needed to be out today and i figured since everyone was fairly happy, i could get in and out without much struggle. i was so very wrong. rowan screamed the second i put him in his car seat, which he always does. he hates the car seat but typically once we start to drive he settles. by the time we arrived at the post office he seemed content and i popped them both into the double stroller. as soon as the post office door shut behind me rowan flipped out. ear piercing screams that no pacifier was going to calm. i tried to rush through and get my package boxed and ready, but he just wouldn't stop. more people filtered in and more screaming ensued. 

i picked him up but even then, he wouldn't relax. i went through the line once to check postage and by that point i was sweating and just over it. as i was filling out insurance and signature forms i started to laugh uncontrollable, but it was tinged with overwhelmed emotions. rowan still screaming and kicking, i couldn't even write and poor finley was in the stroller asking to be finished. i started to tear up and a woman asked if she could hold rowan for me. her kind eyes were also tearing up and she asked if that would be ok, if i would mind. i didn't mind and i handed him over while i cried. i mumbled something about it being so hard and she told me she knew. she was sending a package to her grown daughter who had just moved away and even after all of those years, parenting is still hard. she told me holding rowan was helping her and as i struggled to remember even my own address (we just moved!), another woman chimed in to say she had twins and remembered how difficult it could be. it was a moment where woman i didn't knpw were supporting me, understanding that there are times that everything just overwhelms you, and telling me that it was ok.

i took rowan back and got in line behind at least 10 people, but the postal worker asked me to come to the front saying i had already waited in line. (i hate to rant on usps, but you don't often get preferential treatment there, so imagine my surprise)  when i cut through the line i said i knew everyone wanted me to get going, and then more people voiced that it was ok, he was just a baby. i could barely pay through the tears in my eyes. the pairing of the (previously) screaming baby and the kindness of strangers was too much. the postal worker told me finley deserved a treat for how wonderful he was to wait, telling me what a good boy he was. (hopefully a nod to my parenting?)

i thanked the woman that held rowan and struggled to leave the building without fully breaking down. hours later i'm still an emotional mess over it all. how can some things just be so hard? so many emotions, so little sleep. too many demands that just can't be met every day. i don't know why today was my breaking point, but it happened.

tomorrow will be better. and hopefully i'll get to pay the kindness of strangers forward.

baby rowan: 2 months

i figured i should post a 2 month update before mr. baby turns 3 months (already?! please no!). and don't you love his tough guy picture? he gets that little blond fuzz after every bath and is so great at sitting up. he prefers to be upright at all times and has just started leaning into a sit without falling when we put him on the couch or chairs. he does not prefer to lay down much, unless you are in his face making him smile. which he does now all the time! he becomes more expressive every day and loves to smile at mommy, daddy, and brother as well as his farm toys on the playmat.

at 10 weeks (our 2 month check up slightly late), rowan was 23 3/4in and 12lb 2 oz. i compared that to finley at 10 weeks and was amazed to see that he was almost exactly the same height and weight. rowan looks so much chunkier, but i think it's because his limbs are shorter and he has a rounder face (the cheeks?!). he's got these huge, adorable blue eyes and the pinkest skin. most of his baby acne is gone and he hasn't lost all of his hair (yet?).

he's still on the zantac for silent reflux and he seems to be doing better. he doesn't struggle to eat and rarely has back arching fits during or after nursing. he takes a bottle about once a week and i think he realizes it now, because he doesn't really prefer the bottle and fusses while eating. he still nurses every 2-3 hours, even at night and rarely stays asleep for more than 3 hours. in the last few days he has started to spit up more, but it seems painless and he doesn't really notice.

i'm planning to start cloth diapering as soon as we run out of the size 1 diapers we've got now. he's actually wearing his first cloth right now and i'm excited to get back into more eco friendly diapering (making use of finley's old diapers and saving some cash). not so much looking forward to what his poop-splosions will be like in those. rowan seems to store up 3-4 days worth of breastmilk and releases it in successive diapers over the course of about 2 hours. before this happens he is very fussy and he struggles to sleep or eat without crying and fidgeting. after it happens he typically needs a bath...

i'm struggling to manage my sleep schedule as he wakes up so frequently to eat and is very noisy between 4 am and 7 am, keeping me from getting much sleep. i'm pretty much struggling with getting most things done because rowan does not enjoy being put down that much, finley likes for someone to play with him, and i like to nap when i get the slightest chance (i'm not doing it now and i should be!). such is life with two!

baby rowan: 1 month

true to second kid form, i'm posting rowan's one month picture and stats just after he turned 8 weeks. oops! but he is one month in this photo!

at one month he was pretty much still a sleeping/eating machine. from his 1 week check up where he had regained to his birth weight of about 7 lbs, he weighed in at a whopping 9lb 11oz just three weeks later. he is my chubby baby, completely different than finley. and in just about any way you can compare babies, my boys could not be more different. they don't look alike and their tiny personalities have thus far been opposite. rowan is not a content baby, worse than i remember finley being. he did not like to be swaddled (i've forced it recently), doesn't sleep much, never stops moving, and makes so much noise. not little baby noise, but huge discontented grunts and groans. he always seems annoyed and possibly uncomfortable unless he is in a period of (limited) deep sleep or while he is eating (sometimes).

he was a great eater at first but quickly developed some sort of fussy arching and resisting to nurse despite rooting and searching for more food. after speaking with the pedi, we decided he was probably dealing with some reflux (perhaps silent as he really didn't spit up but was choking on and re-swallowing after every feed). he's been on a baby dose of zantac and it has helped with the choking/gurgling and some of the back arching. i'm planning to see a lactation consultant because he has become lazy (or resistant?) to maintaining a strong latch and will come on and off dozens of times during a single, one sided nursing session. it is messy and frustrating for both of us because he clearly isn't finished eating.

i love this boy dearly but he can be quite the handful, especially because obviously he's not the only child. he is most content when pressed against another body (preferably mine), sweating and sleeping. he wakes up upon being laid down and remains quite fussy throughout the day. not very much seems to make him happy and if you lay him down while he is awake, even for a second (say, to get dressed, make lunch, you know, stuff i need to do) he screams uncontrollably like you've left him somewhere without food for hours. parenting a preschooler (who has adjusted really, really wonderfully but is still 3) and trying to hold a crabby baby all day and then being up many times at night to nurse? it's a test of my parenting skills and my patience on a daily basis.

but i am acutely aware of the passing time and how fast things fly by so i am trying to accept the challenges as limited to this period in life and so fleeting. i know i spend more time just looking at rowan, trying to soak it all in before everything changes. sometimes i look at finley and he seems like a stranger. isn't he supposed to be this tiny, swaddled bundle, my baby? but he isn't my little baby anymore. i know him, i see him every day and yet...i don't know. i just try to figure out how it happened that he has imaginary friends, real friends in a new neighborhood, is fully potty trained all day, has long conversations that make sense....

so yeah. even at just 1 month in i found myself fretting over the days lost. no, they weren't really lost. i was there. but they were gone so quickly and even though they were hard, i already miss them.

songs of life - when you grow up

this month the songs for life group focused on the song "when you grow up". being that i have a three week old (and a three year old), i couldn't realistically get out and shoot sidewalk chalking or a game of kickball with my boys. so i decided to shoot in a comfortable location (for all of us) and let finley interact with his baby brother. of course i helped the lifestyle element of this along by including a few appropriate props, but putting such a little baby and a sort of wild kiddo together means i have to control some elements.

finn took time to show brother his trains and a car and he "read" a story. when rowan grows up, maybe he'll be like finn. (i can only hope to have another sweet cherubic boy!) when they both grow up to be bigger than me, i don't know what they'll be, but i'm hoping this bond that's already clear just a few weeks in becomes even stronger. i'm a lucky mama to watch them grow together.

 

 

 

 

peering over the book to be sure rowan is listening.
 

 

 

 
telling rowan how big he'll be when he grows up.
 

 
comparing hands - one tiny and one medium.
 

 
my boys the brothers.
 

 

 

be sure to continue along the blog circle to see the rest of the "when you grow up" interpretations. here's the next one.

birth slideshow

the arrival of rowan alder in pictures (don't worry, nothing from delivery!)



rowan alder birth from alauna peterson on Vimeo.

birth story: rowan alder

this is the birth story of my second son, rowan alder. i delivered 3 weeks early, had a 13 hour labor, went pain med free, and pushed for 6 minutes. i don't hold anything back so if you're squeamish or not at all interested in labor and delivery, i would skip right on over this post ;) you can read my posts on finley holden's birth at part one, two, and three.

i had been having contractions for at least two months and at 36w3d i was 2 cm dilated and the baby was (thankfully) head down and still moving fine during my contractions (noted on an nst). the weekend prior to delivery i lost 5 lbs and spent every waking moment cleaning and trying to get caught up. the saturday prior (so, 36w1d) i was up the entire night with contractions and painful pressure that was so unbearable i spent hours in the shower. my pubic symphysis pain was persistent day and night and i could not have felt more ready to be done with pregnancy.

at 36w5d i started taking evening primose oil as i had read that it can help soften the cervix and prepare for delivery (not send you into labor). i took one capsule orally and two vaginally for three nights. to be frank, this causes the capsule to dissolve and the oil comes out through the night so, it's...noticeable. on saturday night, 37w1d i didn't do the capsules vaginally yet all night i felt a strange fluid periodically. i was up to the bathroom multiple times with no indication of labor. when i awoke at 7:07 am, i sat up and my bag of waters ruptured in similar form to last time. as in, epically. i hopped out of bed to tell my husband (who was on the couch trying to let me rest) that today was the day. unlike last time, i was full term and not overly rushed to get to the hospital. i called my mom, then labor and delivery. i took a shower and did my makeup. i made breakfast and sat with finley, trying to explain what was happening without scaring him. he asked to come with and begged for me not to leave him. it was heartbreaking and hugging him goodbye was extremely difficult. we dropped him off at a friend's house at 8:30 am and made our way to labor and delivery at 8:40 am.

after checking in, i asked not to get an IV right away and decided to stay in my own clothes. the less time spent feeling like a patient, the better. the room's view was pretty and tree lined. it was 61F and sunny outside. i felt so good, so ready and remained energetic for most of the laboring. i was hooked up to the belly monitors and contractions were about 8 minutes apart but very faint. at 9:25 am we had a u/s to confirm the baby was head down. we saw a clear indication of daddy's nose and some fairly chubby cheeks (which made me nervous that i might be pushing a rather large baby out). since my water had broken they decided not to check internally until later in the day. i asked to wander the halls to try and let gravity and movement speed up the process. by 10:30 am i had had a few painful contractions, but when i returned to the room for monitoring, my contractions were still 5 minutes apart and pretty much pain free while laying down. i decided to walk again and the contractions started to come on stronger.

i was checked at 1 pm and my cervix was only 2.5cm (a half cm more than a week prior...), 50% effaced and the baby was a -2. just before this check noticed the bloody show so at least there were multiple signs of labor! however, it was decided that my lack of progression warranted pitocin. i was truly hoping to avoid this but for the safety of the baby and in the interest in moving things along, i got the iv fliuds and pitocin started. by 2:45 pm my contractions were 3 minutes apart and becoming painful, but only so much that i had to take a break from chatting to close my eyes. my parents arrived, allowing my husband to run a few errands, and i was still able to hold a conversation without much trouble.

at 5:00 pm my dr. arrived to check me. i was pleased to hear i was 5cm and 80% effaced. my contractions were painful but still bearable and she said she'd be back to check on me later. my parents left to get finley and i entered a new stage of labor upon my husband's return to the hospital. the stage of labor where i knew i wanted to be done before it got really bad. thankfully, my delivery nurse had had two natural labors and was possibly the driving force behind my ability to continue without the epidural. she talked me through my contractions and when my dr. came back at around 7:30 pm i was in active labor. i sat on the ball, face down over the bed and could barely make it through the contractions. i started to feel like i would vomit after each one and my head began to bobble back and forth. i heard them discussing a cervical check but they decided to let me labor on incase i wasn't at a 10. my nurse mentioned my contractions had a smaller, secondary peak indicative of imminent delivery. (i recall this from a contraction haze, so i'm not sure what exactly she was referring to.)

at 7:50 pm they both left the room and i was positive i couldn't continue without an epidural. i was sure there would be hours of this before i might deliver so i begged my husband to call a nurse so i could have pain relief. at around 8:05 pm, just as with finn, i felt the urge to urinate and made my way to bathroom (barely able to walk or breathe through any of the contractions). nothing came out and as i stood in the doorway of the bathroom, i had to brace myself for a contraction that took over my body, forcing me to bear down and push. it was nothing like my first labor. totally out of my control, more painful than anything i could have ever imagined. i lunged at the hospital bed and pressed the nurse call button, yelling “i need an epidural!” as if i was in some sort of scripted tv show. my contractions were one on top of another and my nurse and dr. rushed into the room. i was screaming for relief and my dr. managed to check me, promising that we could decide on pain options once she knew where i was at. as i continued to beg for the epidural, my nurse tried to convince me i'd never be able to sit for one and my dr. informed my husband that the baby was already on it's way.

i started thrashing around and about now was where i legitimately lost all control of myself. i have never felt so animalistic, so crazy and out of it, as i did then. i couldn't focus, i couldn't control my body, and i felt like passing out. i screamed for them to turn off the pitocin, screamed for pain relief of any sort, and was swearing in ways no one should ever swear. my dr. said i should try one push just to see if i could move the baby and (falsely) promised she would consider the epidural if i just gave one first push. that was at 8:22 pm. it was awful. i couldn't hold my own legs and i was working against the contraction. i was so hot, more hot than i have ever felt. no amount of cold wash cloths made me feel better. they asked if i would consider taking of my shirt and i swore at the mere mention of this, so they cut the belly band and my clothing off as i was delivering.

in the minute or so between the next contraction i saw the delivery items flying out of the little room they close off until it's time. a baby nurse was prepping the isolette. the stirrup chair went rolling across the floor and my dr. and nurse were scrambling to find the “splash pad” (my husband called it this after the fact) and necessary equipment for delivery. as the contraction began i had no choice but to push. i screamed for them to help and they jumped toward the bed. i dug my foot into my poor dr.'s body (no stirrups, no holding my own knees). there was no counting, no telling me chin to chest, no forced breathing. i couldn't have stopped it for anything but i was still hoping it wasn't really happening. i screamed and swore and felt his head come out in one push. i pushed on my my next contraction and the rest of him slid out at 8:28 pm. a total of 3 pushes in 6 minutes. they brought him right to my chest and i tried to regain some control and hold onto his tiny body. he cried and i looked over his swollen skin, covered in everything, but i didn't cry. they let him lay there for a few minutes, the cord still attached, and i took the moment in as fully as possible. i missed out on this part with finley and i know my dr. knew i really wanted to have him with me, on me, directly after i delivered. eventually my husband cut the cord and went with him to be cleaned, checked, and weighed.

mr dr. took her time in allowing me to deliver the placenta. i wasn't prepared for the post birth pain without the epidural. it was insane. once the placenta was out she checked for tearing and just as before, i tore upwards. she suggested just a few stitches but i couldn't bear the needle from the pain medication and thus wasn't fully numb for the stitches. both were awful and i screamed as if i were back in labor. i feel bad for anyone in the rooms surrounding mine – it must have been terrifying. i continued to lament at the awful nature of the entire ordeal. it was surreal. amazing and terrible and the worst, best thing i have ever done.

they brought him back to me and i asked to nurse. he latched immediately and i felt the connection to this new baby, my second son. i was calmer and in control of myself again. i looked him over, took his hat off and saw the full head of blonde hair. he held onto my thumb while he nursed and opened his eyes to look at me. it was exactly how i imagined it would be. i held him while we introduced him to our families in the delivery room. i hated every minute of active labor, hated every second of pushing and i don't know if i could ever do it again, but it was somehow perfect and i am proud to have been able to do it. (except for the whole fbomb thing.)

recovery following a natural labor has been much easier. i was able to walk immediately after giving birth, went to the nursery with my husband and baby, and had my IV out within the hour after. unfortunately my pubic symphysis pain has not been resolved and i continue to struggle with that (more so than any pain i would expect from the whole pushing out the baby experience). i am far less swollen/water logged and finding it much easier to move about this time around. i don't know if it's a second baby thing or a drug free labor thing, but it's welcome all the same.

natural labor is not for the faint of heart. i don't know how women do it without behaving like feral animals. i don't even know how i managed to do it at all. my baby is 5 days old (when i wrote this) and i am still trying to process the event. my whole experience was different this time around and i am thankful for both. i have two healthy sons that arrived exactly way they should have and the memories of both will last me a lifetime.

he's here!

rowan alder

born may 26, 2013 at 8:28 pm

7lb1oz  20.5 in

i went into labor naturally at 37 weeks 2 days and welcomed our second son rowan alder just 13 hours later. he has a full head of strawberry blonde hair and his daddy's nose. he is such a sweet, precious baby and i am cherishing the moments i know all too well will quickly pass. it's different this time around. the knowing, yet not knowing. i don't know him yet, but i know i will and i know it will be so fast that i'm just trying to take in every bit of him along the way. he's already almost a week old and fits into our family like he was always meant to be here. big brother finley has been wonderful to his baby brother (not so much to his parents).

i've written my birth story (it's wild) and will post asap.

waiting through "false" labor

 

36 weeks is bringing lots of questions as to what warrants a call to the dr. i know you can be dilated, have contractions, feel pain, and so and not be in actual labor...but i learned today that you just don't mess around with decreased fetal movement. 

this weekend i went into full force nest-cleaning mode. i spent hours on saturday doing laundry, vacuuming, mopping, and scrubbing. by saturday night i was in so much pain i couldn't sleep. i took a long shower to try and ease the frequent contractions and the feeling that the baby was breaking my hips apart and going to fall out at any moment. pressure like i felt when i was thinking about pushing last time. but then it went away and all i was left with was an entirely sleepless night. on sunday i rested and cleaned a bit more but realized by the evening that i hadn't felt the baby move in a number of hours. i often don't feel much during the day but by night time i always feel lots of movement, especially as i fall asleep. there was nothing, even after a few glasses of cold water and some external belly poking. i woke up this morning and still nothing so of course i got worried and called.

i was asked to come in for an nst and my dr. scolded me for not calling sooner. they take fetal movement pretty seriously, especially in the last few weeks as there is less room, potentially less fluid, and other issues. thankfully, the heartbeat was normal but no movement was being detected. my dr. noted that i was having contractions every 2 minutes (i couldn't feel them) but then i ate candy and started having "real" contractions and that caused the baby to move around. in the 30 minute nst i had two long, painful contractions and the baby moved enough that i could go home with orders to call again if i noticed less movement. 

she also did a full exam just because i was already there. in good news, i lost 5 lbs since friday (i assume water weight and the different scales between the exam rooms!), am measuring right on track, and am 2 cm dilated. the baby is still head down, so he'll probably stay that way and i am right on track as far as early/false labors go. i've been having strong contractions all day but when i time them, they aren't getting closer together or forming a pattern. i can feel the baby very low and the pressure on my hips and groin is becoming unbearable for most of the day rather than just at night while laying down. so, i guess...welcome to the last month!!

 

(these maternity images were taken by mr. h3b, the husband who will put up with my nagging and critique. he got some wonderful shots by which to remember this pregnancy.)

the most pregnant

today at approximately 11 am, i was (and still am) the most pregnant i've ever been. this baby has decided not to follow in his big brother's footsteps and come a month early. i am officially 36 weeks!

even though i didn't want another preterm delivery and the added worry that comes along with a tiny, perhaps not quite ready baby, i wouldn't have minded so much to be done with the whole pregnancy thing. i continue to be amazed at how different this pregnancy is from my first and how much harder in general it has been to manage. i know i can factor in the 3 year old that requires attention and energy, but from a sheer physical standpoint this one is so much worse.

i had never had a really noticeable set of contractions with finn until i was 2 hours into pitocin following my water breaking. i've been having braxton hicks with this one for months and they've really ramped up in the past month. for a few weeks now i've been having nightly contraction sessions with pretty painful cramping and the need to move and breathe through them. nothing to time or anything, but enough to keep me from relaxing. and relaxing? i can't. my pubic symphysis disfunction coupled with the nagging sciatica is so painful that i am starting to "sleep" sitting up. as of this morning, it no longer only affects me while i'm laying down. today the baby is so low that i haven't been able to escape the pain at all.

i had my 36 week check up this morning and i am measuring on track, blood pressure is good, and the baby's heartbeat sounds perfect. i had been getting internals to keep track of potential early labor, but now that i'm closer my dr. didn't even offer. i guess it doesn't really matter since i could be dilated and contracting for weeks before i go into labor. something new for me!

last time i was so nervous when it all happened so fast. i wasn't ready. i cried and hoped that maybe i could still have more time. now that i feel like i'm officially in the waiting game mode, i have no idea how it works. you just...wait? in pain? swollen and annoyed? i hate to feel down in these last few weeks because i know i will miss the movements and the round belly (not the round everything else). i've tried not to wish the time forward because i know (when looking at my suddenly huge preschooler) how fast everything changes and how quickly the little moments you are sure you won't forget just get swept together in one big "he was a baby once" memory. but, as i'm sure any other 36+ weeker can attest to (and since i'm new to the club and all, hi!), this month is going to be rough and i just might wish it over sooner rather than later.

34 weeks

i'm pretty pregnant these days. like last time, i've begun to battle some pretty bad insomnia due to bad groin pain and restless legs. lots of nights i can't fall asleep until 3 or 4 am and if i get to sleep earlier, it's not restful and rejuvenating. i am having lots of cramping and braxton hicks contractions which can be really tiring (and painful). i have nausea, headaches, and a bit of dizziness occasionally. i am hungry but most food sounds repulsive. this pregnancy is totally getting me down and despite heading to the gym multiple times every week, i feel much worse than last time overall.

in positive news, i've completed just about every preparation to get ready for baby. everything is washed and sorted. diapers and wipes, burp cloths and swaddles, new pacis and nursing gear...everything is neatly organized and just waiting to be used. i have my hospital bag to pack and we've got to install the car seat, but otherwise the baby could come and we'd be ok.

how far along? 34 weeks
total weight gain: 40 lb (i assume, i haven't weighed myself since 33 weeks and i was up 37lb then)
maternity clothes? yes
sleep: poor to somewhat nonexistent
best moment this week: feeling "done" with prep work
movement: he has taken to moving for hours at a time. rolling, kicking, pushing. typically only at night.
gender: boy
labor signs: lots of contractions and cramping, but at 33 weeks my cervix was closed
belly button in or out? popped
food cravings: fruit and desserts
what i miss: i miss being more agile. it is really painful to move these days
what i am looking forward to: just watching the weeks pass by, getting closer
milestones: i don't know that i hit any. the 40lb mark, perhaps?

31 weeks & baby sprinkle

 

somehow i'm 31 weeks pregnant. by looking at me, it probably seems more like 38 weeks...but i really do have a good amount of weeks to go yet. here's the comparison shot from last time. i'm about the same size, and only a few pounds less so i guess i just do pregnancy in a big way ;) but my outfit for the shower is entirely non-maternity and my face, hands, and feet aren't really swollen like last time.

this weekend my girlfriends threw me a lovely baby sprinkle. it was a perfect, small affair and i had a great time. it was nice to spend time with other moms of similar aged children and 5 of the 8 guests were pregnant - we had a lot to chat about! the food was delicious, the lemon cake was exactly what i would have picked myself, and everyone was so very generous in gifting some new goodies for this baby boy. i hadn't registered but they requested some sort of information so i did make a wish list. that's been helpful for me as well, since it's hard to keep track of the things i want or need yet. one thing we won't need - onesies!! this baby has more tiny onesies for summer than he'll be able to wear (except not really, since i recall changing those things a lot). i'm kind of excited for all of that...newborn clothes are the whole point, right?!