part 2

part 2: delivery.

at 6:45 am i got the epidural. mr. h3b and the nurse held my hands and i tried my best not to cry like a baby. i didn’t feel anything right away and had another set of painful contractions before i started to feel them get a little shorter with each passing minute. my left side went numb but my right side didn’t, so they gave me a bit more and i finally felt relief. the next hurdle was the catheter. honestly, this was part of the reason i didn’t want an epidural. while the nurse inserted it, my blood pressure dropped and i almost passed out. the reaction was worse than the actual procedure – i couldn’t feel a thing. i was able to sleep for a few hours and woke up feeling like the catheter was wrongly inserted. there was burning and pressure and i told the nurse that maybe it wasn’t in right.

i was wrong. that feeling was the baby coming down, getting ready. at 9 am, i was finally 10 cm with just an anterior lip. the news sent me into a new set of emotions. i was actually going to have a baby (did my brain miss the memo during the hours of contractions? i’m not sure.). my dr. was in surgery and my nurse asked if i could “wait” for 20 more minutes. i didn’t feel an intense urge to push, just a lot of pressure, so i managed to hold back. it was really important to me to have my dr. deliver the baby. during this waiting time, my husband and i had to decide on a name. we knew the first name but we wrote out our 2 options for the middle name and were finally able to make our choice. nothing like waiting until the last minute!

at 10:05 am my dr. arrived and gave me instructions on how to push. we waited for a few good contractions and at 10:10 am i began to push. it wasn’t like i imagined – like on tv with commotion and feet in stirrups, bum off the table. instead it was 3 people and me. mr. h3b was on my right side, the nurse on my left, and my dr. was sitting on the bed. it was as “relaxed” as pushing a baby out could be. i felt like i was hanging out with my friends (albeit completely exposed from the waist down). for each contraction, i pulled my knees up and pushed down for a count of ten, 3 times. the nurse and mr. h3b held my knees and feet and my dr. talked me through each push. after the first set i just started crying. it was surreal. they thought i was in pain, but it was just so overwhelming and amazing.

between contractions we chatted. i was still self conscious about my exposure level so my dr. laid a towel over me and we were able to interact without the elephant in the room lingering between me and my dr. (the elephant being my exposed lady parts, fyi…). with each contraction, my support system talked me through and let me know when they could see his head and hair. i know mr. h3b found this amazing- he kept telling me what he could see and how great i was doing. even though it felt worse to push him down, they kept assuring me that getting his head getting out would feel so much better. i went back and forth between being ready and being terrified.

because i was a month early, i knew the peds dr. and nurses would be down for the birth to make sure everything was ok. i had hoped for him to be brought up to my chest and to see and hold him while still on the cord, but we weren’t sure what would happen. as i pushed, i knew i was close when they made the call for the group to come down and get prepared. i could feel an insane amount of pressure and my dr. scooted me down to the edge of the bed, my feet in the stirrups. with each contraction i moved him further down and at 10:45 am i could start to feel him crowning - his head was exposed and staying there. with a few more good pushes i felt the burning and tearing of his head leaving me, even with the epidural. she told me to stop pushing and said his head all the way out.

at 10:57 am on 2.26.2010, the rest of him slid out and i looked down to see my little baby laying on the bed. he immediately let out a loud, strong cry. mr. h3b, excited and emotional, got to cut the cord, but instead of bringing him to me, they whisked him to the side to start the tests and assessments that would decide whether he was mature enough to go to the nursery or if he needed time in the nicu (as a late preterm baby). while it was hard for me, it was amazing to see my husband so emotional. he grabbed the camera and stayed by the baby while they extracted fluid, tested glucose, and announced his apgars (a 9 and 8). he continued to wail and managed to pee all over everything in there :)

 

i was afraid of delivering the placenta, for bleeding reasons, and my dr. was surprised that i was so scared being that i had just pushed out a baby. mr. h3b watched and i covered my face with a towel so as not to see a bit of it. i could feel a giant jelly fish-like object leaving and that was all i needed as proof that it was gone… i asked her about tearing and she told me i had two of the smallest tears that she wouldn’t have even needed to fix up, but that she would stitch just to make everything perfect. that was rough and i knew i had torn upward toward my urethra, so i asked if i was going to pee through my vagina from here on out. that sent everyone into laughing fits. i was half serious, but she said things would eventually return to “normal”.

during this time i tried to concentrate on my baby boy. i hadn’t held or even really seen him yet and it started to wear on me. where was he? why couldn’t i hold him? my patience was thinning and i made it clear that i needed him to be brought to me. finally they agreed he was ok and would not need time in the nicu and he came out to be weighed. originally they stated he was 5lb 7oz and he was brought to me at 11:25 am. the experience was beyond anything i have ever or could ever imagine. seeing my child up close, holding him and smelling him, and seeing his alert eyes watching me – i cried tears of love that i have never experienced before.

 i spent some time just taking it all in. mr. h3b and i stared, awestruck, at this tiny being we created. there is nothing like it and i would relive the entire birth experience over and over just to have that feeling again. it’s a memory that i will never forget.

at 11:40 am my husband and i introduced finley holden to some of his family. the grandparents were immediately in love and while i didn’t give up the baby to anyone, i shared as much as i could of him with our families. at 11:50 am i tried to nurse but he wouldn’t latch and they wanted to take him up to the nursery to be measured and tested. i felt rushed and really wanted to try - if there was a disappointing part of this experience, it would be missing out on those first moments and trying to nurse him immediately after birth. but the sweetness of his wide eyes and the love and euphoria i felt for my husband and me and our new baby outweighed any wishes i may have had.

mr. h3b went with finley to the nursery, where they reweighed him and found him to be 5lb 14 oz. they retested the original scale and weighed him 3 more times and sure enough, he was bigger than they thought. he was 20 inches long (!) and his head circumference was 12.5 inches. he had his first bath and all of his reflexes were tested. during this time i was “packed” and moved to a recovery room. i slept on and off as my eyes just could not stay open. it was almost 3 hours before i got to see him again, but when i saw my husband carrying his son into our room, it was worth the wait.

i immediately unswaddled him and looked at his tiny, perfect features. all of his toes, curled on his little baby feet, his long, skinny legs full of wrinkles, and his piano player hands with the longest, most beautiful nail beds ever. he was so tiny but so perfect. i took off his hat to expose an extreme cone head full of just barely strawberry blonde hair. i was so happy to see him healthy. while 4 weeks early isn’t too scary, it’s borderline and we were just so lucky to have a baby ready for the world.