birth slideshow

the arrival of rowan alder in pictures (don't worry, nothing from delivery!)



rowan alder birth from alauna peterson on Vimeo.

birth story: rowan alder

this is the birth story of my second son, rowan alder. i delivered 3 weeks early, had a 13 hour labor, went pain med free, and pushed for 6 minutes. i don't hold anything back so if you're squeamish or not at all interested in labor and delivery, i would skip right on over this post ;) you can read my posts on finley holden's birth at part one, two, and three.

i had been having contractions for at least two months and at 36w3d i was 2 cm dilated and the baby was (thankfully) head down and still moving fine during my contractions (noted on an nst). the weekend prior to delivery i lost 5 lbs and spent every waking moment cleaning and trying to get caught up. the saturday prior (so, 36w1d) i was up the entire night with contractions and painful pressure that was so unbearable i spent hours in the shower. my pubic symphysis pain was persistent day and night and i could not have felt more ready to be done with pregnancy.

at 36w5d i started taking evening primose oil as i had read that it can help soften the cervix and prepare for delivery (not send you into labor). i took one capsule orally and two vaginally for three nights. to be frank, this causes the capsule to dissolve and the oil comes out through the night so, it's...noticeable. on saturday night, 37w1d i didn't do the capsules vaginally yet all night i felt a strange fluid periodically. i was up to the bathroom multiple times with no indication of labor. when i awoke at 7:07 am, i sat up and my bag of waters ruptured in similar form to last time. as in, epically. i hopped out of bed to tell my husband (who was on the couch trying to let me rest) that today was the day. unlike last time, i was full term and not overly rushed to get to the hospital. i called my mom, then labor and delivery. i took a shower and did my makeup. i made breakfast and sat with finley, trying to explain what was happening without scaring him. he asked to come with and begged for me not to leave him. it was heartbreaking and hugging him goodbye was extremely difficult. we dropped him off at a friend's house at 8:30 am and made our way to labor and delivery at 8:40 am.

after checking in, i asked not to get an IV right away and decided to stay in my own clothes. the less time spent feeling like a patient, the better. the room's view was pretty and tree lined. it was 61F and sunny outside. i felt so good, so ready and remained energetic for most of the laboring. i was hooked up to the belly monitors and contractions were about 8 minutes apart but very faint. at 9:25 am we had a u/s to confirm the baby was head down. we saw a clear indication of daddy's nose and some fairly chubby cheeks (which made me nervous that i might be pushing a rather large baby out). since my water had broken they decided not to check internally until later in the day. i asked to wander the halls to try and let gravity and movement speed up the process. by 10:30 am i had had a few painful contractions, but when i returned to the room for monitoring, my contractions were still 5 minutes apart and pretty much pain free while laying down. i decided to walk again and the contractions started to come on stronger.

i was checked at 1 pm and my cervix was only 2.5cm (a half cm more than a week prior...), 50% effaced and the baby was a -2. just before this check noticed the bloody show so at least there were multiple signs of labor! however, it was decided that my lack of progression warranted pitocin. i was truly hoping to avoid this but for the safety of the baby and in the interest in moving things along, i got the iv fliuds and pitocin started. by 2:45 pm my contractions were 3 minutes apart and becoming painful, but only so much that i had to take a break from chatting to close my eyes. my parents arrived, allowing my husband to run a few errands, and i was still able to hold a conversation without much trouble.

at 5:00 pm my dr. arrived to check me. i was pleased to hear i was 5cm and 80% effaced. my contractions were painful but still bearable and she said she'd be back to check on me later. my parents left to get finley and i entered a new stage of labor upon my husband's return to the hospital. the stage of labor where i knew i wanted to be done before it got really bad. thankfully, my delivery nurse had had two natural labors and was possibly the driving force behind my ability to continue without the epidural. she talked me through my contractions and when my dr. came back at around 7:30 pm i was in active labor. i sat on the ball, face down over the bed and could barely make it through the contractions. i started to feel like i would vomit after each one and my head began to bobble back and forth. i heard them discussing a cervical check but they decided to let me labor on incase i wasn't at a 10. my nurse mentioned my contractions had a smaller, secondary peak indicative of imminent delivery. (i recall this from a contraction haze, so i'm not sure what exactly she was referring to.)

at 7:50 pm they both left the room and i was positive i couldn't continue without an epidural. i was sure there would be hours of this before i might deliver so i begged my husband to call a nurse so i could have pain relief. at around 8:05 pm, just as with finn, i felt the urge to urinate and made my way to bathroom (barely able to walk or breathe through any of the contractions). nothing came out and as i stood in the doorway of the bathroom, i had to brace myself for a contraction that took over my body, forcing me to bear down and push. it was nothing like my first labor. totally out of my control, more painful than anything i could have ever imagined. i lunged at the hospital bed and pressed the nurse call button, yelling “i need an epidural!” as if i was in some sort of scripted tv show. my contractions were one on top of another and my nurse and dr. rushed into the room. i was screaming for relief and my dr. managed to check me, promising that we could decide on pain options once she knew where i was at. as i continued to beg for the epidural, my nurse tried to convince me i'd never be able to sit for one and my dr. informed my husband that the baby was already on it's way.

i started thrashing around and about now was where i legitimately lost all control of myself. i have never felt so animalistic, so crazy and out of it, as i did then. i couldn't focus, i couldn't control my body, and i felt like passing out. i screamed for them to turn off the pitocin, screamed for pain relief of any sort, and was swearing in ways no one should ever swear. my dr. said i should try one push just to see if i could move the baby and (falsely) promised she would consider the epidural if i just gave one first push. that was at 8:22 pm. it was awful. i couldn't hold my own legs and i was working against the contraction. i was so hot, more hot than i have ever felt. no amount of cold wash cloths made me feel better. they asked if i would consider taking of my shirt and i swore at the mere mention of this, so they cut the belly band and my clothing off as i was delivering.

in the minute or so between the next contraction i saw the delivery items flying out of the little room they close off until it's time. a baby nurse was prepping the isolette. the stirrup chair went rolling across the floor and my dr. and nurse were scrambling to find the “splash pad” (my husband called it this after the fact) and necessary equipment for delivery. as the contraction began i had no choice but to push. i screamed for them to help and they jumped toward the bed. i dug my foot into my poor dr.'s body (no stirrups, no holding my own knees). there was no counting, no telling me chin to chest, no forced breathing. i couldn't have stopped it for anything but i was still hoping it wasn't really happening. i screamed and swore and felt his head come out in one push. i pushed on my my next contraction and the rest of him slid out at 8:28 pm. a total of 3 pushes in 6 minutes. they brought him right to my chest and i tried to regain some control and hold onto his tiny body. he cried and i looked over his swollen skin, covered in everything, but i didn't cry. they let him lay there for a few minutes, the cord still attached, and i took the moment in as fully as possible. i missed out on this part with finley and i know my dr. knew i really wanted to have him with me, on me, directly after i delivered. eventually my husband cut the cord and went with him to be cleaned, checked, and weighed.

mr dr. took her time in allowing me to deliver the placenta. i wasn't prepared for the post birth pain without the epidural. it was insane. once the placenta was out she checked for tearing and just as before, i tore upwards. she suggested just a few stitches but i couldn't bear the needle from the pain medication and thus wasn't fully numb for the stitches. both were awful and i screamed as if i were back in labor. i feel bad for anyone in the rooms surrounding mine – it must have been terrifying. i continued to lament at the awful nature of the entire ordeal. it was surreal. amazing and terrible and the worst, best thing i have ever done.

they brought him back to me and i asked to nurse. he latched immediately and i felt the connection to this new baby, my second son. i was calmer and in control of myself again. i looked him over, took his hat off and saw the full head of blonde hair. he held onto my thumb while he nursed and opened his eyes to look at me. it was exactly how i imagined it would be. i held him while we introduced him to our families in the delivery room. i hated every minute of active labor, hated every second of pushing and i don't know if i could ever do it again, but it was somehow perfect and i am proud to have been able to do it. (except for the whole fbomb thing.)

recovery following a natural labor has been much easier. i was able to walk immediately after giving birth, went to the nursery with my husband and baby, and had my IV out within the hour after. unfortunately my pubic symphysis pain has not been resolved and i continue to struggle with that (more so than any pain i would expect from the whole pushing out the baby experience). i am far less swollen/water logged and finding it much easier to move about this time around. i don't know if it's a second baby thing or a drug free labor thing, but it's welcome all the same.

natural labor is not for the faint of heart. i don't know how women do it without behaving like feral animals. i don't even know how i managed to do it at all. my baby is 5 days old (when i wrote this) and i am still trying to process the event. my whole experience was different this time around and i am thankful for both. i have two healthy sons that arrived exactly way they should have and the memories of both will last me a lifetime.

on not being pregnant

it should come as no surprise to me that i'm no longer pregnant. this is proven when i 1) look down at my deflated belly and/or 2) look over to see my beautiful baby. however, these things do not keep me from forgetting, every hour or so, that i was pregnant just over a week ago and that sometimes i think i still am. i knew i wouldn't like not being pregnant, even as sore and tired as i was towards the end (and i only made it 36w!). don't get me wrong, i love finley more than anything in the world. i love having him out here to gaze at and to adore. but i still long to feel him inside of me, where he was all mine and i was never alone.

it's probably a bit of post baby blues, mild though noticeable, but i feel sad every time i realize i'm not pregnant. no more kicks, no more belly, no more keeping my inside baby safe and warm at all times. if i take a nap, or go to the store, or sit at my computer, i do it alone. i said it was fleeting and it was. maybe it's because he came a month early - i missed out on a whole (uncomfortable) month with him still in there, pushing out his bum and rolling for the video camera. i don't want to feel sad about this. and thankfully, it doesn't keep me from enjoying every second of my baby. but i miss pregnancy all the same.

when i get a little teary eyed, i remind myself, so easily, that i get to hold him tight on the outside. to see his hair, his lips, his tiny wrinkled knees. i get to kiss his face and to hear him coo and gurgle his content (or discontent). i am his sole source of food and the person he probably recognizes most. i am lucky to have him safe and healthy. he is with me in my arms, to kick and flail out here in the world.

and i do enjoy not being pregnant, too. i can bend over! i slept on my stomach last night. i ate a lunch meat sandwich two days in a row and already indulged in wine and champagne. but i will never be someone who says "i hated being pregnant". and i'm not sure how long it will take me to stop missing it, or if i will. i want to have more children and i will hopefully experience it again, but the first time is so special. it was perfect, i am lucky, and i know i'm allowed to have mixed emotions about this whole experience.

but looking at this face everyday? it makes everything ok :)

he's here! part 1

well, he’s here! my baby boy decided to arrive exactly a month early – ready to meet the world. here’s the extra long version of my birth story (no, there’s no cliffs notes, so grab a mug and settle in). also, i don’t hold back. if you get squeamish or are a boy that doesn’t want think of the vaginal canal, then i suggest you skip this story :)

part 1: water breaks, labor starts.

during my 35th week, i had been feeling crampy, but no pressure (well, no additional pressure) or real contractions. at 35w4d, i noted to mr. h3b that he had dropped. there was a slight overhang at my lower belly and i had lots of extra squishy room at the top of my stomach. on wednesday, at 35w5d we had our hospital tour. luckily we learned all about labor and delivery locations and protocol. after all of the walking, i definitely felt some lower back pain and cramping that evening.

i woke up on thursday feeling fine. at 3:30 pm, as i was cooking hard boiled eggs and starting a homemade batch of chicken noodle soup, i felt something strange. i took a step and felt a bit of wetness. if you’ve been pregnant, this isn’t that concerning. (if not…someone has warned you now ;) but then i took another step toward the bathroom to check things out and wooooooosh. epic, movie quality water breaking. i knew it wasn’t pee instantly. it came gushing out and soaked my leggings down to the knees. i hopped on the toilet and out it came, pouring. part of me tried to convince myself that maybe it was pee…i was 35w6d and so not ready. i tried to get up and make it to my phone, thinking that after the big gushes, maybe it was all done. another note, the water keeps coming. let’s just say my dogs are excellent at cleaning crumbs from the kitchen and, um, “mopping”…

so i stuck a towel between my legs and called mr. h3b in tears. i think he knew instantly based on the quivered voice that grew into all out sobs. i was pretty scared and felt alone and unsure of what i knew was happening. he started to make his way home form work and i called my doctor. they said i needed to go to l&d immediately and called to arrange my arrival. i started rushing around the house, pantless, stuffing things into my hospital bag. between my nervous tears, i found clothes, overnight supplies, food, camera, ipod – nothing was ready so i imrovised. i saw my husband running up the sidewalk (he walks to work and i keep the car) and lost it. when he got into the house, i just needed to be held. he was amazing and supportive and convinced me that we were ready, and whatever wasn’t ready at home would get there.

he packed the car, i said goodbye to my baby dogs and we headed to the hospital, our last trip as just him and me. we got to l&d at 4:30 pm and i went to the birthing room right away, got changed and hooked up to the monitors. i was having small contractions that i couldn’t feel and baby h3b had a strong heartbeat. they came in to check that my water had indeed broken and i swear to you, the speculum was the most painful thing i think i had felt in my life (this was before the rest of labor, of course…). i was barely 1 cm and besides my water breaking, i would have had no idea i was in labor. they inserted an iv line and i managed to stay conscious through the procedure ;)

 

 because we had our second newborn care class that night (ha!), my dr. decided it was ok for us to go up for an hour to get some last minute information. about 40 minutes in i felt a ton of water leak out and had my first “painful” contraction. i went back to my room and at 9:15 pm my dr. decided that i needed to start pitocin to move things along a bit faster. my contractions were 5 minutes apart and barely noticeable.

by 12:30 am my mom had arrived and my contractions were now painful. i could still talk through them but things were progressing. i decided to shower at 1:30 am, which was a nice break from laying in the bed. by 3:30 am my contractions were extremely painful and i could no longer talk through them. i had gotten no sleep and had a crying breakdown over the pain for which i knew i was in. i continued to labor naturally and at 5:15 am they checked me. i was 4 cm and 100% effaced and his head was low. the pain was so strong, both during contractions and during rest, where i felt it in my lower back. i tried the birthing ball, which was a nice change but didn’t ease the pain. they were coming one on top of the other and the pressure on my bladder was so strong that i got up to pee every few minutes. mr. h3b’s mom and sisters arrived and the four spectators saw me at my worst. it was impossible to speak through the contractions and i had had enough. at 6:15 am i decided to get an epidural. i knew i would never have the birth i had imagined in the state i was in. i was terrified of the epidural but the thought of enduring the contractions for another 4 or more hours was too much.

part 2

part 2: delivery.

at 6:45 am i got the epidural. mr. h3b and the nurse held my hands and i tried my best not to cry like a baby. i didn’t feel anything right away and had another set of painful contractions before i started to feel them get a little shorter with each passing minute. my left side went numb but my right side didn’t, so they gave me a bit more and i finally felt relief. the next hurdle was the catheter. honestly, this was part of the reason i didn’t want an epidural. while the nurse inserted it, my blood pressure dropped and i almost passed out. the reaction was worse than the actual procedure – i couldn’t feel a thing. i was able to sleep for a few hours and woke up feeling like the catheter was wrongly inserted. there was burning and pressure and i told the nurse that maybe it wasn’t in right.

i was wrong. that feeling was the baby coming down, getting ready. at 9 am, i was finally 10 cm with just an anterior lip. the news sent me into a new set of emotions. i was actually going to have a baby (did my brain miss the memo during the hours of contractions? i’m not sure.). my dr. was in surgery and my nurse asked if i could “wait” for 20 more minutes. i didn’t feel an intense urge to push, just a lot of pressure, so i managed to hold back. it was really important to me to have my dr. deliver the baby. during this waiting time, my husband and i had to decide on a name. we knew the first name but we wrote out our 2 options for the middle name and were finally able to make our choice. nothing like waiting until the last minute!

at 10:05 am my dr. arrived and gave me instructions on how to push. we waited for a few good contractions and at 10:10 am i began to push. it wasn’t like i imagined – like on tv with commotion and feet in stirrups, bum off the table. instead it was 3 people and me. mr. h3b was on my right side, the nurse on my left, and my dr. was sitting on the bed. it was as “relaxed” as pushing a baby out could be. i felt like i was hanging out with my friends (albeit completely exposed from the waist down). for each contraction, i pulled my knees up and pushed down for a count of ten, 3 times. the nurse and mr. h3b held my knees and feet and my dr. talked me through each push. after the first set i just started crying. it was surreal. they thought i was in pain, but it was just so overwhelming and amazing.

between contractions we chatted. i was still self conscious about my exposure level so my dr. laid a towel over me and we were able to interact without the elephant in the room lingering between me and my dr. (the elephant being my exposed lady parts, fyi…). with each contraction, my support system talked me through and let me know when they could see his head and hair. i know mr. h3b found this amazing- he kept telling me what he could see and how great i was doing. even though it felt worse to push him down, they kept assuring me that getting his head getting out would feel so much better. i went back and forth between being ready and being terrified.

because i was a month early, i knew the peds dr. and nurses would be down for the birth to make sure everything was ok. i had hoped for him to be brought up to my chest and to see and hold him while still on the cord, but we weren’t sure what would happen. as i pushed, i knew i was close when they made the call for the group to come down and get prepared. i could feel an insane amount of pressure and my dr. scooted me down to the edge of the bed, my feet in the stirrups. with each contraction i moved him further down and at 10:45 am i could start to feel him crowning - his head was exposed and staying there. with a few more good pushes i felt the burning and tearing of his head leaving me, even with the epidural. she told me to stop pushing and said his head all the way out.

at 10:57 am on 2.26.2010, the rest of him slid out and i looked down to see my little baby laying on the bed. he immediately let out a loud, strong cry. mr. h3b, excited and emotional, got to cut the cord, but instead of bringing him to me, they whisked him to the side to start the tests and assessments that would decide whether he was mature enough to go to the nursery or if he needed time in the nicu (as a late preterm baby). while it was hard for me, it was amazing to see my husband so emotional. he grabbed the camera and stayed by the baby while they extracted fluid, tested glucose, and announced his apgars (a 9 and 8). he continued to wail and managed to pee all over everything in there :)

 

i was afraid of delivering the placenta, for bleeding reasons, and my dr. was surprised that i was so scared being that i had just pushed out a baby. mr. h3b watched and i covered my face with a towel so as not to see a bit of it. i could feel a giant jelly fish-like object leaving and that was all i needed as proof that it was gone… i asked her about tearing and she told me i had two of the smallest tears that she wouldn’t have even needed to fix up, but that she would stitch just to make everything perfect. that was rough and i knew i had torn upward toward my urethra, so i asked if i was going to pee through my vagina from here on out. that sent everyone into laughing fits. i was half serious, but she said things would eventually return to “normal”.

during this time i tried to concentrate on my baby boy. i hadn’t held or even really seen him yet and it started to wear on me. where was he? why couldn’t i hold him? my patience was thinning and i made it clear that i needed him to be brought to me. finally they agreed he was ok and would not need time in the nicu and he came out to be weighed. originally they stated he was 5lb 7oz and he was brought to me at 11:25 am. the experience was beyond anything i have ever or could ever imagine. seeing my child up close, holding him and smelling him, and seeing his alert eyes watching me – i cried tears of love that i have never experienced before.

 i spent some time just taking it all in. mr. h3b and i stared, awestruck, at this tiny being we created. there is nothing like it and i would relive the entire birth experience over and over just to have that feeling again. it’s a memory that i will never forget.

at 11:40 am my husband and i introduced finley holden to some of his family. the grandparents were immediately in love and while i didn’t give up the baby to anyone, i shared as much as i could of him with our families. at 11:50 am i tried to nurse but he wouldn’t latch and they wanted to take him up to the nursery to be measured and tested. i felt rushed and really wanted to try - if there was a disappointing part of this experience, it would be missing out on those first moments and trying to nurse him immediately after birth. but the sweetness of his wide eyes and the love and euphoria i felt for my husband and me and our new baby outweighed any wishes i may have had.

mr. h3b went with finley to the nursery, where they reweighed him and found him to be 5lb 14 oz. they retested the original scale and weighed him 3 more times and sure enough, he was bigger than they thought. he was 20 inches long (!) and his head circumference was 12.5 inches. he had his first bath and all of his reflexes were tested. during this time i was “packed” and moved to a recovery room. i slept on and off as my eyes just could not stay open. it was almost 3 hours before i got to see him again, but when i saw my husband carrying his son into our room, it was worth the wait.

i immediately unswaddled him and looked at his tiny, perfect features. all of his toes, curled on his little baby feet, his long, skinny legs full of wrinkles, and his piano player hands with the longest, most beautiful nail beds ever. he was so tiny but so perfect. i took off his hat to expose an extreme cone head full of just barely strawberry blonde hair. i was so happy to see him healthy. while 4 weeks early isn’t too scary, it’s borderline and we were just so lucky to have a baby ready for the world.

 

part 3

part 3: the first few days.

we spent the rest of the day with our families, just taking him all in. he slept the entire time and was passed around to be showered with love. he stayed in our room the first night and i finally started to breastfeed on day two. i met with a lactation consultant twice and had a fabulous nurse to help him and me get started. on the second night, we sent him to the nursery to get sleep and while he was there they tested his blood for jaundice. it came back at 11, then after another test, at 12.5, and we were told our pediatrician would let us know what the next steps would be.

on sunday morning, we met with a number of people and it was decided that we would supplement with formula to get him gaining weight, pooping, and clearing out the bilirubin from his body but that instead of another night in the hospital, we’d go home. i was breastfeeding and pumping to try and get my milk in and we all thought this would keep the jaundice from getting worse. we were reassured that all of this (lethargy, difficulty latching/feeding, and jaundice) was common for late preterm babies.

he was discharged with a 7% body weight loss (5lb 8oz). we brought him home and spent the rest of the day being amazed by his sleep, his furrowed brow, and his adorable lips. the first night was less than fun as he did not sleep or stay calm from midnight to 5 am. my nipples were sore from the feeding and pumping and i was tired and frustrated that breastfeeding wasn’t helping to calm him. i was sore and had trouble moving around and i felt like the house was a mess (even though our wonderful families had cleaned, my bags were everywhere and there were/are so many projects left to do.)

on monday we had an appointment with our pediatrician after getting another set of blood work to test his bili levels. they had increased to 16 rather than coming down and we were readmitted to the pediatric floor for photo therapy. it was hard to go back to the hospital, but i knew this was the very best thing for my tiny boy. i continued to breastfeed, pump, and supplement with formula and he spent the day and night tanning in the warm, blue bed. my milk came in (yay, on days 3/4!) and i started my stash.

as they tested periodically, his levels began to drop. by morning he was a 14.5 and they turned the lights off to see how he’d be after 5 hours. finally he was back to 11.1 and our pediatrician was ready to let him go home. i was so thankful for the overnight stay because i had another meeting with a lactation consultant and she spent over an hour working on techniques. we had an amazing feed and i was told i didn’t have to supplement anymore.

we made the trip home again and have been here now for almost 24 hours. my mom is here for the week to help us with anything and everything. i continue to pump after every other daytime feed and he continues to nurse, sleep, pee and poop. he is the sweetest, cutest baby ever. his coos, facial expressions, flailing arms and kicking feet are more adorable than words can describe. i feel so lucky to have him, home and healthy, and even though i thought i wasn’t ready, i am.