spring is near

well, hopefully it is! the middle of march was nice and warm here in chicago and now we've been hit with cold, windy weather. for a boy that is easily bored while cooped up inside, i need spring to come. we went out while it was nicer and finn had a taste of grass and felt the bark of a tree.



it is adorable to watch him explore the outdoors. he's seen snow, but the last time is was warm enough for touching grass and being outside he wasn't even crawling. i'm excited for walks to the park (maybe he'll walk, too?), swimming in the lake, and sidewalk chalk at the front door. he's so much more aware now and i can't wait to see him learn new things.



you can see he suffered his first black eye recently. he was attempting to make a sharp turn on a wobble ride-on and cam ecrashing into the floor. he's so used to his stable tricycle and wheely bee that i don't think he was expecting this new toy to tip. but a daily smash into one object or another has become the norm. he's either bonking his head on my desk (or my head), running his chin into a table, or smacking his face with a random toy. i see a new bruise or red bump every day and i can only imagine the skinned knees and whatever else are coming my way. to prepare, we bought him a bike helmet so he could ride his trike outside. that should be terrifyingly fun for everyone...

a new chapter

yesterday was my last nursing session with finley. i am both excited to move forward as a free woman and sad to close this chapter of our lives. i decided in the very beginning that my goal was to nurse for at least a year and to see how we felt then. i was so lucky to have had help from family (namely mr. h3b) and lots of support from my friends and other mothers. through tough times and relatively easy ones i forged ahead and finn and i shared a pretty great nursing relationship.

he was never a clingy nurser. he never once search for my chest as an older baby and never used nursing as a pacifier. he ate and he was finished. i struggled with low supply as he got older and nursed less often, but i kept going and i made it to my goal of one year. at that point i was nursing at morning and night only. he was drinking whole cow's milk from a sippy during the day but we shared those peaceful moments while he nursed as the sun came up and just before he closed his eyes to sleep. i dropped the morning session last week and he didn't seem to mind. so tonight mr. h3b put him to bed without me. i didn't rock him and nurse him as we read bed times stories. and i won't anymore.

it is sad that i will never nurse him again and that our bond will only be a memory for me. along with all of the other things that he (or we) have outgrown, i can add this to the list. as it grows, so does he. and i am proud that his growth from 0-6 months was solely due to my breast milk. and i am proud that i nursed in public, pumped on 7 hour car rides, and remained committed to my goal. i would not have been a failure had i not nursed for a year, but i am proud that i was able to.

and now i am 100% me again, for myself, except now i have a toddler. nursing didn't really restrain me (i indulged in alcohol safely), i ate what i wanted (onions and spicy foods never bothered him), and in these last few months, i hardly even thought of myself as a nursing mother. but now i am just me. i won't be wearing breast pads, fold down bras, or obscene tank tops (have you seen the target ones?). i am not pregnant. i am not nursing. i am just me and no one is using my body for their nutrition any longer.

i hope these final days of weaning continue to go smoothly and that i remember both the hardships and the tender moments. and i hope to do it again someday (but not with finley).

12 months. 1 year.

the day has come and gone and now my baby boy is one. i have known him for a whole year and i'm so lucky to have spent almost every single day watching him grow and learn. i still miss being pregnant (yes, still!) and i can hardly remember how tiny he was when we brought him home. i held back tears a few times on his birthday. i just cannot believe how fast a whole year of my life has gone - of our lives - and even though i've taken thousands of pictures, tons of videos, and tried to put all these important details in my memory bank, i know i'm forgetting things. sometimes i don't realize it's the last time i'll see him do something. the last time without teeth. the last tiny cry. the (soon-to-be) last nursing session. all of the firsts go so fast and leave things he could "only" do back in the past. but those first are so much fun and he has grown into such a funny character. he knows he's funny. he plays and interacts and has quirky little tendencies (a funny peek around, head tilt move to look at you, for one). he sees the world around him and motions for things he likes, taking in the sights and sounds of new places every day. for all of the longing i do for him to be little, i am happy to watch him become a boy. he loved his birthday and he seems to love being one. something clicked following his first 365 days. on day 366 he changed (i swear!) and he is even more amazing than i could have imagined.

moving on from the sappy stuff, here are the details about being one, finley-style :)
he is 19lb 6oz (5th%) and 30 inches (75th%) - a tall and skinny boy.
he has a full head of curly strawberry blond hair that grows so fast.
he has 7 teeth (4 on top, 3 on the bottom).
he signs "more" for food and things he likes.
he dances with his shoulders and booty to any music he hears.
he claps, waves hi and bye, and shakes his head no.
he eats big kid food (no purees) and self feeds 95% of the time.
he drinks whole milk from a sippy 2-3 times a day and nurses before bed.
he cruises around the house on furniture, his trike or wheely, or holding our hands.
he doesn't mind 7 hour car rides.
he loves dog food (ugh).
he naps from 11am-12:30/1pm and from 4:30-5:30pm and sleeps from 8:45pm-7am.
he sleeps with a pacifier, three silkies, a seahorse, and two stuffed ducks.
he "reads" by holding books and turning pages. favorites: "doggies" and "pat the bunny"
he won't sit still for a picture. at all.
he (still) loves being held, hates being left behind, and throws tantrums over the tiniest things.
he loves his mommy (and his daddy) and squeals with delight when we toss him in the air, crawls like crazy to us from across the room, judges our post dinner dance parties, and adores being cuddled and spoiled with love.

and to wrap up, here's a look back at the last 12 months. so funny to compare, to see the subtle changes (and the not so, like losing all his hair, then suddenly having a ton of it), and to watch him grow. also great? the incredible shrinking onesie (in months 3 and 5-12) that is now (finally) retired.

 click for bigger and ignore the color variations across the year :)

happy first birthday!

i. have. a one year old. we celebrated finley's first birth with a party on saturday the 26th - he was exactly one year old!

you should be able to click on these images to see them larger

the theme was green. the decor included lots of pennant flag bunting, his monthly photos, and lots of other green accents. i made everything, including a "1" shirt that i didn't snap a picture of...

the food was green. edamame, veggies, minted fruit salad, pickles, dipped marshmallows...the list goes on. i made homemade funfetti cupcakes with only green "funfetti". we served beer in green bottles, limeade, and sparkling lime water.

we did a traditional cake smash. real cake. real frosting. at first he just looked at. i gave him a taste and he licked his fingers clean. and then he dove in face first. he ate a ton of cake and hardly used his hands at all. it was hilarious and perfect. i had a moment while everyone was signing happy birthday. one of those this is a moment times when you scan the room and take it all in. it was his first birthday. twenty years from now i'll tell stories of him eating his cake without his hands while everyone laughed and clapped.

and he was spoiled! books and new clothes (he has nothing long enough!) and puzzles and toys. and the big gift from his grandparents - a walk-on tricycle! i didn't think he'd be ready, but my little one year old took off on his trike like some big kid. like he'd been practicing or something.

he still has another party with the other set of relatives so i'll share even more first birthday love. and i've also got his last in the first year series of monthly photos to share along with stats and milestones. stay tuned :)

happy first birthday, finley holden!