birth story: rowan alder

this is the birth story of my second son, rowan alder. i delivered 3 weeks early, had a 13 hour labor, went pain med free, and pushed for 6 minutes. i don't hold anything back so if you're squeamish or not at all interested in labor and delivery, i would skip right on over this post ;) you can read my posts on finley holden's birth at part one, two, and three.

i had been having contractions for at least two months and at 36w3d i was 2 cm dilated and the baby was (thankfully) head down and still moving fine during my contractions (noted on an nst). the weekend prior to delivery i lost 5 lbs and spent every waking moment cleaning and trying to get caught up. the saturday prior (so, 36w1d) i was up the entire night with contractions and painful pressure that was so unbearable i spent hours in the shower. my pubic symphysis pain was persistent day and night and i could not have felt more ready to be done with pregnancy.

at 36w5d i started taking evening primose oil as i had read that it can help soften the cervix and prepare for delivery (not send you into labor). i took one capsule orally and two vaginally for three nights. to be frank, this causes the capsule to dissolve and the oil comes out through the night so, it's...noticeable. on saturday night, 37w1d i didn't do the capsules vaginally yet all night i felt a strange fluid periodically. i was up to the bathroom multiple times with no indication of labor. when i awoke at 7:07 am, i sat up and my bag of waters ruptured in similar form to last time. as in, epically. i hopped out of bed to tell my husband (who was on the couch trying to let me rest) that today was the day. unlike last time, i was full term and not overly rushed to get to the hospital. i called my mom, then labor and delivery. i took a shower and did my makeup. i made breakfast and sat with finley, trying to explain what was happening without scaring him. he asked to come with and begged for me not to leave him. it was heartbreaking and hugging him goodbye was extremely difficult. we dropped him off at a friend's house at 8:30 am and made our way to labor and delivery at 8:40 am.

after checking in, i asked not to get an IV right away and decided to stay in my own clothes. the less time spent feeling like a patient, the better. the room's view was pretty and tree lined. it was 61F and sunny outside. i felt so good, so ready and remained energetic for most of the laboring. i was hooked up to the belly monitors and contractions were about 8 minutes apart but very faint. at 9:25 am we had a u/s to confirm the baby was head down. we saw a clear indication of daddy's nose and some fairly chubby cheeks (which made me nervous that i might be pushing a rather large baby out). since my water had broken they decided not to check internally until later in the day. i asked to wander the halls to try and let gravity and movement speed up the process. by 10:30 am i had had a few painful contractions, but when i returned to the room for monitoring, my contractions were still 5 minutes apart and pretty much pain free while laying down. i decided to walk again and the contractions started to come on stronger.

i was checked at 1 pm and my cervix was only 2.5cm (a half cm more than a week prior...), 50% effaced and the baby was a -2. just before this check noticed the bloody show so at least there were multiple signs of labor! however, it was decided that my lack of progression warranted pitocin. i was truly hoping to avoid this but for the safety of the baby and in the interest in moving things along, i got the iv fliuds and pitocin started. by 2:45 pm my contractions were 3 minutes apart and becoming painful, but only so much that i had to take a break from chatting to close my eyes. my parents arrived, allowing my husband to run a few errands, and i was still able to hold a conversation without much trouble.

at 5:00 pm my dr. arrived to check me. i was pleased to hear i was 5cm and 80% effaced. my contractions were painful but still bearable and she said she'd be back to check on me later. my parents left to get finley and i entered a new stage of labor upon my husband's return to the hospital. the stage of labor where i knew i wanted to be done before it got really bad. thankfully, my delivery nurse had had two natural labors and was possibly the driving force behind my ability to continue without the epidural. she talked me through my contractions and when my dr. came back at around 7:30 pm i was in active labor. i sat on the ball, face down over the bed and could barely make it through the contractions. i started to feel like i would vomit after each one and my head began to bobble back and forth. i heard them discussing a cervical check but they decided to let me labor on incase i wasn't at a 10. my nurse mentioned my contractions had a smaller, secondary peak indicative of imminent delivery. (i recall this from a contraction haze, so i'm not sure what exactly she was referring to.)

at 7:50 pm they both left the room and i was positive i couldn't continue without an epidural. i was sure there would be hours of this before i might deliver so i begged my husband to call a nurse so i could have pain relief. at around 8:05 pm, just as with finn, i felt the urge to urinate and made my way to bathroom (barely able to walk or breathe through any of the contractions). nothing came out and as i stood in the doorway of the bathroom, i had to brace myself for a contraction that took over my body, forcing me to bear down and push. it was nothing like my first labor. totally out of my control, more painful than anything i could have ever imagined. i lunged at the hospital bed and pressed the nurse call button, yelling “i need an epidural!” as if i was in some sort of scripted tv show. my contractions were one on top of another and my nurse and dr. rushed into the room. i was screaming for relief and my dr. managed to check me, promising that we could decide on pain options once she knew where i was at. as i continued to beg for the epidural, my nurse tried to convince me i'd never be able to sit for one and my dr. informed my husband that the baby was already on it's way.

i started thrashing around and about now was where i legitimately lost all control of myself. i have never felt so animalistic, so crazy and out of it, as i did then. i couldn't focus, i couldn't control my body, and i felt like passing out. i screamed for them to turn off the pitocin, screamed for pain relief of any sort, and was swearing in ways no one should ever swear. my dr. said i should try one push just to see if i could move the baby and (falsely) promised she would consider the epidural if i just gave one first push. that was at 8:22 pm. it was awful. i couldn't hold my own legs and i was working against the contraction. i was so hot, more hot than i have ever felt. no amount of cold wash cloths made me feel better. they asked if i would consider taking of my shirt and i swore at the mere mention of this, so they cut the belly band and my clothing off as i was delivering.

in the minute or so between the next contraction i saw the delivery items flying out of the little room they close off until it's time. a baby nurse was prepping the isolette. the stirrup chair went rolling across the floor and my dr. and nurse were scrambling to find the “splash pad” (my husband called it this after the fact) and necessary equipment for delivery. as the contraction began i had no choice but to push. i screamed for them to help and they jumped toward the bed. i dug my foot into my poor dr.'s body (no stirrups, no holding my own knees). there was no counting, no telling me chin to chest, no forced breathing. i couldn't have stopped it for anything but i was still hoping it wasn't really happening. i screamed and swore and felt his head come out in one push. i pushed on my my next contraction and the rest of him slid out at 8:28 pm. a total of 3 pushes in 6 minutes. they brought him right to my chest and i tried to regain some control and hold onto his tiny body. he cried and i looked over his swollen skin, covered in everything, but i didn't cry. they let him lay there for a few minutes, the cord still attached, and i took the moment in as fully as possible. i missed out on this part with finley and i know my dr. knew i really wanted to have him with me, on me, directly after i delivered. eventually my husband cut the cord and went with him to be cleaned, checked, and weighed.

mr dr. took her time in allowing me to deliver the placenta. i wasn't prepared for the post birth pain without the epidural. it was insane. once the placenta was out she checked for tearing and just as before, i tore upwards. she suggested just a few stitches but i couldn't bear the needle from the pain medication and thus wasn't fully numb for the stitches. both were awful and i screamed as if i were back in labor. i feel bad for anyone in the rooms surrounding mine – it must have been terrifying. i continued to lament at the awful nature of the entire ordeal. it was surreal. amazing and terrible and the worst, best thing i have ever done.

they brought him back to me and i asked to nurse. he latched immediately and i felt the connection to this new baby, my second son. i was calmer and in control of myself again. i looked him over, took his hat off and saw the full head of blonde hair. he held onto my thumb while he nursed and opened his eyes to look at me. it was exactly how i imagined it would be. i held him while we introduced him to our families in the delivery room. i hated every minute of active labor, hated every second of pushing and i don't know if i could ever do it again, but it was somehow perfect and i am proud to have been able to do it. (except for the whole fbomb thing.)

recovery following a natural labor has been much easier. i was able to walk immediately after giving birth, went to the nursery with my husband and baby, and had my IV out within the hour after. unfortunately my pubic symphysis pain has not been resolved and i continue to struggle with that (more so than any pain i would expect from the whole pushing out the baby experience). i am far less swollen/water logged and finding it much easier to move about this time around. i don't know if it's a second baby thing or a drug free labor thing, but it's welcome all the same.

natural labor is not for the faint of heart. i don't know how women do it without behaving like feral animals. i don't even know how i managed to do it at all. my baby is 5 days old (when i wrote this) and i am still trying to process the event. my whole experience was different this time around and i am thankful for both. i have two healthy sons that arrived exactly way they should have and the memories of both will last me a lifetime.