the most pregnant

today at approximately 11 am, i was (and still am) the most pregnant i've ever been. this baby has decided not to follow in his big brother's footsteps and come a month early. i am officially 36 weeks!

even though i didn't want another preterm delivery and the added worry that comes along with a tiny, perhaps not quite ready baby, i wouldn't have minded so much to be done with the whole pregnancy thing. i continue to be amazed at how different this pregnancy is from my first and how much harder in general it has been to manage. i know i can factor in the 3 year old that requires attention and energy, but from a sheer physical standpoint this one is so much worse.

i had never had a really noticeable set of contractions with finn until i was 2 hours into pitocin following my water breaking. i've been having braxton hicks with this one for months and they've really ramped up in the past month. for a few weeks now i've been having nightly contraction sessions with pretty painful cramping and the need to move and breathe through them. nothing to time or anything, but enough to keep me from relaxing. and relaxing? i can't. my pubic symphysis disfunction coupled with the nagging sciatica is so painful that i am starting to "sleep" sitting up. as of this morning, it no longer only affects me while i'm laying down. today the baby is so low that i haven't been able to escape the pain at all.

i had my 36 week check up this morning and i am measuring on track, blood pressure is good, and the baby's heartbeat sounds perfect. i had been getting internals to keep track of potential early labor, but now that i'm closer my dr. didn't even offer. i guess it doesn't really matter since i could be dilated and contracting for weeks before i go into labor. something new for me!

last time i was so nervous when it all happened so fast. i wasn't ready. i cried and hoped that maybe i could still have more time. now that i feel like i'm officially in the waiting game mode, i have no idea how it works. you just...wait? in pain? swollen and annoyed? i hate to feel down in these last few weeks because i know i will miss the movements and the round belly (not the round everything else). i've tried not to wish the time forward because i know (when looking at my suddenly huge preschooler) how fast everything changes and how quickly the little moments you are sure you won't forget just get swept together in one big "he was a baby once" memory. but, as i'm sure any other 36+ weeker can attest to (and since i'm new to the club and all, hi!), this month is going to be rough and i just might wish it over sooner rather than later.