well, he's more than half a year old. closer to one than to fresh newborn. as always, impossible! yet, here we are. sleep deprived to no end and still smitten with this chubby cheeked little guy.
rowan continues to be the complete opposite of finley (compare). he is a giggler, happy and smiley when all is right in his world. he's rounder, he's got straight blonde hair, and he can't sleep for anything. so i'll start with that. he doesn't sleep well, especially at night. he has gotten better at naps and sleeps in his crib during the day for those (or in the car since he tags along with finley's schedule). he naps three times a day and one of those is usually about two hours. at night, he falls asleep after a bedtime routine and nursing and starts in his crib. he wakes all night every night with a shrill, awful cry/scream, desperate for someone to hold him. he nurses 3-4 times between midnight and the morning unless i am so tired that i bring him into bed...then he nurses almost all night.
he hasn't slept longer than a 2-hour stretch for at least a month now. we've tried lots of "sleep solutions". all of the no cry ones i can find, cry it out for various lengths of time, nursing on demand, teething tablets, tylenol, lavender on the feet, hot room/cold room, white noise/music/silence, and even formula. i ebf and rarely even pump, but with our recent illnesses i thought maybe he was just so hungry and my supply wasn't enough so we gave him a few bottles a couple of times. he took them like a champ but it provided no relief in the sleep department. night terrors have been suggested but he isn't confused/unable to wake up and he is easily soothed if he gets what he wants. he is crying out to be held all night and even when held, he shrieks to nurse throughout the night. it's impossible! i haven't had a "good" night of sleep in 10 months. i don't think i've even slept for more than 4 hours at a single time for at least 9 months. i feel like i am going crazy with emotions over why he won't sleep and what it's doing to all of us. someday it HAS to click, right? at some point he WILL sleep. that's all i can hope right now.
otherwise, he's a pretty good baby. he is loving solid foods and wants to eat all of the time, especially when he sees anyone eating. he sits up and scoots around a little, leans forward and back to sitting. one of his favorite games is to throw his body into our comforter and then sit back up over and over. he can roll from back to belly but not the other way around (well, not that he does reliably, anyway). once on his belly he gets up on his hands, but no scooting, army crawl, dragging, etc and when he finds himself in this position he just cries. he can't pull himself up on furniture or toys, so no cruising or crib standing unless i place him there. he's mostly a sedentary child :)
he loves his big brother. he takes great delight when finn plays with him and even a glance in his direction gives rowan the biggest smile. just today they played together and rowan was the happiest i have ever seen him - his big blue eyes totally, happily fixated on the antics of his big brother. i hope their bond grows to be something great. i know it will be something i know nothing about, not really. it's when i think about their brotherhood that i realize (among countless other things) they are their own selves. they will have secrets and memories and stories and shared glances that come from times of which i am not privvy. i know this relationship as a sibling/sister, but i won't know THEIR relationship like they do. and it's already starting right here before my eyes.
even despite the lack of sleep, i am desperate to freeze time. i love this age. i love babies sitting up, giggling, happy to play hand clapping games. rowan just started reaching for me when i come to him and it melts my heart. he's beginning to understand kisses and will lean in, open mouthed, for a peck. he's still a baby, swaddled for naps, cuddly and sweet smelling but he's got a big personality and i just want to soak it up for more time.
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