at one month he was pretty much still a sleeping/eating machine. from his 1 week check up where he had regained to his birth weight of about 7 lbs, he weighed in at a whopping 9lb 11oz just three weeks later. he is my chubby baby, completely different than finley. and in just about any way you can compare babies, my boys could not be more different. they don't look alike and their tiny personalities have thus far been opposite. rowan is not a content baby, worse than i remember finley being. he did not like to be swaddled (i've forced it recently), doesn't sleep much, never stops moving, and makes so much noise. not little baby noise, but huge discontented grunts and groans. he always seems annoyed and possibly uncomfortable unless he is in a period of (limited) deep sleep or while he is eating (sometimes).
he was a great eater at first but quickly developed some sort of fussy arching and resisting to nurse despite rooting and searching for more food. after speaking with the pedi, we decided he was probably dealing with some reflux (perhaps silent as he really didn't spit up but was choking on and re-swallowing after every feed). he's been on a baby dose of zantac and it has helped with the choking/gurgling and some of the back arching. i'm planning to see a lactation consultant because he has become lazy (or resistant?) to maintaining a strong latch and will come on and off dozens of times during a single, one sided nursing session. it is messy and frustrating for both of us because he clearly isn't finished eating.
i love this boy dearly but he can be quite the handful, especially because obviously he's not the only child. he is most content when pressed against another body (preferably mine), sweating and sleeping. he wakes up upon being laid down and remains quite fussy throughout the day. not very much seems to make him happy and if you lay him down while he is awake, even for a second (say, to get dressed, make lunch, you know, stuff i need to do) he screams uncontrollably like you've left him somewhere without food for hours. parenting a preschooler (who has adjusted really, really wonderfully but is still 3) and trying to hold a crabby baby all day and then being up many times at night to nurse? it's a test of my parenting skills and my patience on a daily basis.
but i am acutely aware of the passing time and how fast things fly by so i am trying to accept the challenges as limited to this period in life and so fleeting. i know i spend more time just looking at rowan, trying to soak it all in before everything changes. sometimes i look at finley and he seems like a stranger. isn't he supposed to be this tiny, swaddled bundle, my baby? but he isn't my little baby anymore. i know him, i see him every day and yet...i don't know. i just try to figure out how it happened that he has imaginary friends, real friends in a new neighborhood, is fully potty trained all day, has long conversations that make sense....
so yeah. even at just 1 month in i found myself fretting over the days lost. no, they weren't really lost. i was there. but they were gone so quickly and even though they were hard, i already miss them.
No comments:
Post a Comment