this is the birth story of my second son, rowan alder.
i delivered 3 weeks early, had a 13 hour labor, went pain med free,
and pushed for 6 minutes. i don't hold anything back so if you're
squeamish or not at all interested in labor and delivery, i would
skip right on over this post ;) you can read my posts on finley holden's birth at part one, two, and three.
i had been having contractions for at
least two months and at 36w3d i was 2 cm dilated and the baby was
(thankfully) head down and still moving fine during my contractions
(noted on an nst). the weekend prior to delivery i lost 5 lbs and
spent every waking moment cleaning and trying to get caught up. the
saturday prior (so, 36w1d) i was up the entire night with
contractions and painful pressure that was so unbearable i spent
hours in the shower. my pubic symphysis pain was persistent day and
night and i could not have felt more ready to be done with pregnancy.
at 36w5d i started taking evening
primose oil as i had read that it can help soften the cervix and
prepare for delivery (not send you into labor). i took one capsule
orally and two vaginally for three nights. to be frank, this causes
the capsule to dissolve and the oil comes out through the night so,
it's...noticeable. on saturday night, 37w1d i didn't do the capsules
vaginally yet all night i felt a strange fluid periodically. i was up
to the bathroom multiple times with no indication of labor. when i
awoke at 7:07 am, i sat up and my bag of waters ruptured in similar
form to last time. as in, epically. i hopped out of bed to tell my
husband (who was on the couch trying to let me rest) that today was
the day. unlike last time, i was full term and not overly rushed to
get to the hospital. i called my mom, then labor and delivery. i took
a shower and did my makeup. i made breakfast and sat with finley,
trying to explain what was happening without scaring him. he asked to
come with and begged for me not to leave him. it was heartbreaking
and hugging him goodbye was extremely difficult. we dropped him off
at a friend's house at 8:30 am and made our way to labor and delivery
at 8:40 am.
after checking in, i asked not to get
an IV right away and decided to stay in my own clothes. the less time
spent feeling like a patient, the better. the room's view was pretty
and tree lined. it was 61F and sunny outside. i felt so good, so
ready and remained energetic for most of the laboring. i was hooked
up to the belly monitors and contractions were about 8 minutes apart
but very faint. at 9:25 am we had a u/s to confirm the baby was head
down. we saw a clear indication of daddy's nose and some fairly
chubby cheeks (which made me nervous that i might be pushing a rather
large baby out). since my water had broken they decided not to check
internally until later in the day. i asked to wander the halls to try
and let gravity and movement speed up the process. by 10:30 am i had
had a few painful contractions, but when i returned to the room for
monitoring, my contractions were still 5 minutes apart and pretty
much pain free while laying down. i decided to walk again and the
contractions started to come on stronger.
i was checked at 1 pm and my cervix was
only 2.5cm (a half cm more than a week prior...), 50% effaced and the
baby was a -2. just before this check noticed the bloody show so at
least there were multiple signs of labor! however, it was decided
that my lack of progression warranted pitocin. i was truly hoping to
avoid this but for the safety of the baby and in the interest in
moving things along, i got the iv fliuds and pitocin started. by 2:45
pm my contractions were 3 minutes apart and becoming painful, but
only so much that i had to take a break from chatting to close my
eyes. my parents arrived, allowing my husband to run a few errands,
and i was still able to hold a conversation without much trouble.
at 5:00 pm my dr. arrived to check me.
i was pleased to hear i was 5cm and 80% effaced. my contractions were
painful but still bearable and she said she'd be back to check on me
later. my parents left to get finley and i entered a new stage of
labor upon my husband's return to the hospital. the stage of labor
where i knew i wanted to be done before it got really bad.
thankfully, my delivery nurse had had two natural labors and was
possibly the driving force behind my ability to continue without the
epidural. she talked me through my contractions and when my dr. came
back at around 7:30 pm i was in active labor. i sat on the ball, face
down over the bed and could barely make it through the contractions.
i started to feel like i would vomit after each one and my head began
to bobble back and forth. i heard them discussing a cervical check
but they decided to let me labor on incase i wasn't at a 10. my nurse
mentioned my contractions had a smaller, secondary peak indicative of
imminent delivery. (i recall this from a contraction haze, so i'm not
sure what exactly she was referring to.)
at 7:50 pm they both left the room and
i was positive i couldn't continue without an epidural. i was sure
there would be hours of this before i might deliver so i begged my
husband to call a nurse so i could have pain relief. at around 8:05
pm, just as with finn, i felt the urge to urinate and made my way to
bathroom (barely able to walk or breathe through any of the
contractions). nothing came out and as i stood in the doorway of the
bathroom, i had to brace myself for a contraction that took over my
body, forcing me to bear down and push. it was nothing like my first
labor. totally out of my control, more painful than anything i could
have ever imagined. i lunged at the hospital bed and pressed the
nurse call button, yelling “i need an epidural!” as if i was in
some sort of scripted tv show. my contractions were one on top of
another and my nurse and dr. rushed into the room. i was screaming
for relief and my dr. managed to check me, promising that we could
decide on pain options once she knew where i was at. as i continued
to beg for the epidural, my nurse tried to convince me i'd never be
able to sit for one and my dr. informed my husband that the baby was
already on it's way.
i started thrashing around and about
now was where i legitimately lost all control of myself. i have never
felt so animalistic, so crazy and out of it, as i did then. i
couldn't focus, i couldn't control my body, and i felt like passing
out. i screamed for them to turn off the pitocin, screamed for pain
relief of any sort, and was swearing in ways no one should ever
swear. my dr. said i should try one push just to see if i could move
the baby and (falsely) promised she would consider the epidural if i
just gave one first push. that was at 8:22 pm. it was awful. i
couldn't hold my own legs and i was working against the contraction.
i was so hot, more hot than i have ever felt. no amount of cold wash
cloths made me feel better. they asked if i would consider taking of
my shirt and i swore at the mere mention of this, so they cut the
belly band and my clothing off as i was delivering.
in the minute or so between the next
contraction i saw the delivery items flying out of the little room
they close off until it's time. a baby nurse was prepping the
isolette. the stirrup chair went rolling across the floor and my dr.
and nurse were scrambling to find the “splash pad” (my husband
called it this after the fact) and necessary equipment for delivery.
as the contraction began i had no choice but to push. i screamed for
them to help and they jumped toward the bed. i dug my foot into my
poor dr.'s body (no stirrups, no holding my own knees). there was no
counting, no telling me chin to chest, no forced breathing. i
couldn't have stopped it for anything but i was still hoping it
wasn't really happening. i screamed and swore and felt his head come
out in one push. i pushed on my my next contraction and the rest of
him slid out at 8:28 pm. a total of 3 pushes in 6 minutes. they
brought him right to my chest and i tried to regain some control and
hold onto his tiny body. he cried and i looked over his swollen skin,
covered in everything, but i didn't cry. they let him lay there for a
few minutes, the cord still attached, and i took the moment in as
fully as possible. i missed out on this part with finley and i know
my dr. knew i really wanted to have him with me, on me, directly
after i delivered. eventually my husband cut the cord and went with
him to be cleaned, checked, and weighed.
mr dr. took her time in allowing me to
deliver the placenta. i wasn't prepared for the post birth pain
without the epidural. it was insane. once the placenta was out she
checked for tearing and just as before, i tore upwards. she suggested
just a few stitches but i couldn't bear the needle from the pain
medication and thus wasn't fully numb for the stitches. both were
awful and i screamed as if i were back in labor. i feel bad for
anyone in the rooms surrounding mine – it must have been
terrifying. i continued to lament at the awful nature of the entire
ordeal. it was surreal. amazing and terrible and the worst, best
thing i have ever done.
they brought him back to me and i asked
to nurse. he latched immediately and i felt the connection to this
new baby, my second son. i was calmer and in control of myself again.
i looked him over, took his hat off and saw the full head of blonde
hair. he held onto my thumb while he nursed and opened his eyes to
look at me. it was exactly how i imagined it would be. i held him
while we introduced him to our families in the delivery room. i hated
every minute of active labor, hated every second of pushing and i
don't know if i could ever do it again, but it was somehow perfect
and i am proud to have been able to do it. (except for the whole
fbomb thing.)
recovery following a natural labor has
been much easier. i was able to walk immediately after giving birth,
went to the nursery with my husband and baby, and had my IV out
within the hour after. unfortunately my pubic symphysis pain has not
been resolved and i continue to struggle with that (more so than any
pain i would expect from the whole pushing out the baby experience).
i am far less swollen/water logged and finding it much easier to move
about this time around. i don't know if it's a second baby thing or a
drug free labor thing, but it's welcome all the same.
natural labor is not for the faint of
heart. i don't know how women do it without behaving like feral
animals. i don't even know how i managed to do it at all. my baby is
5 days old (when i wrote this) and i am still trying to process the
event. my whole experience was different this time around and i am
thankful for both. i have two healthy sons that arrived exactly way
they should have and the memories of both will last me a lifetime.
