watch your mouth

i'd like to think that this type of thing happens to everyone. you're riding along in the car and your three year old asks you a question. in this case, "can we please go back to our old house and go to our old beach?". your husband responds, "no, we can't. a new couple lives there now so it's their house.". without missing a beat, three year old says, "what the f*@k?!" with proper attitude conveyed. 

and that did happen. just like that. husband and i looked at each other and i started to laugh (silently). finn continued repeat it and neither of us could respond. i didn't want to react at all, not with laughter (so he'd think it was funny) nor with anger (in case he'd do it again out of spite). eventually husband told finn that it just wasn't very nice to say (or hear) and that we shouldn't say it to others because it might hurt their feelings. i couldn't get it together and just kept giggling quietly. it's hilarious ot me when kids say things you don't expect. sometimes it's something witty and intelligent and other times it's just completely inappropriate.

i know this happened to my parents with me. as the story goes, they were watching a movie with a lot of swearing. i was milling about, maybe 2 or 3 years old, and went to my room to ride my rocking horse. a few minutes later they realized the movie was not for children when i was kicking my horse and repeating "you effing horse" in anger.

i know it won't be the last time he spouts something totally inappropriate and we'll have to navigate the whens and whys of what words to use (and why not). and now i know for sure that if i say something, little ears are listening. unless it's bedtime - somehow no one ever hears the call for bed...

the kindness of strangers

today was one of those days. honestly i was feeling pretty good this morning, rocking my mom skill set by cleaning the kitchen while finley played and rowan sat in the swing. we made banana bread and homemade melon lemonade (cooking, check!). finn played with playdoh (art, check!). we browsed the comics and the newspaper together (reading, check!). finn ate a great lunch and went right down for nap. of course rowan didn't nap much and as he does, struggled to rest really at all. 

when finn woke up early we had to head to the post office. i sold a camera and it needed to be out today and i figured since everyone was fairly happy, i could get in and out without much struggle. i was so very wrong. rowan screamed the second i put him in his car seat, which he always does. he hates the car seat but typically once we start to drive he settles. by the time we arrived at the post office he seemed content and i popped them both into the double stroller. as soon as the post office door shut behind me rowan flipped out. ear piercing screams that no pacifier was going to calm. i tried to rush through and get my package boxed and ready, but he just wouldn't stop. more people filtered in and more screaming ensued. 

i picked him up but even then, he wouldn't relax. i went through the line once to check postage and by that point i was sweating and just over it. as i was filling out insurance and signature forms i started to laugh uncontrollable, but it was tinged with overwhelmed emotions. rowan still screaming and kicking, i couldn't even write and poor finley was in the stroller asking to be finished. i started to tear up and a woman asked if she could hold rowan for me. her kind eyes were also tearing up and she asked if that would be ok, if i would mind. i didn't mind and i handed him over while i cried. i mumbled something about it being so hard and she told me she knew. she was sending a package to her grown daughter who had just moved away and even after all of those years, parenting is still hard. she told me holding rowan was helping her and as i struggled to remember even my own address (we just moved!), another woman chimed in to say she had twins and remembered how difficult it could be. it was a moment where woman i didn't knpw were supporting me, understanding that there are times that everything just overwhelms you, and telling me that it was ok.

i took rowan back and got in line behind at least 10 people, but the postal worker asked me to come to the front saying i had already waited in line. (i hate to rant on usps, but you don't often get preferential treatment there, so imagine my surprise)  when i cut through the line i said i knew everyone wanted me to get going, and then more people voiced that it was ok, he was just a baby. i could barely pay through the tears in my eyes. the pairing of the (previously) screaming baby and the kindness of strangers was too much. the postal worker told me finley deserved a treat for how wonderful he was to wait, telling me what a good boy he was. (hopefully a nod to my parenting?)

i thanked the woman that held rowan and struggled to leave the building without fully breaking down. hours later i'm still an emotional mess over it all. how can some things just be so hard? so many emotions, so little sleep. too many demands that just can't be met every day. i don't know why today was my breaking point, but it happened.

tomorrow will be better. and hopefully i'll get to pay the kindness of strangers forward.

baby rowan: 2 months

i figured i should post a 2 month update before mr. baby turns 3 months (already?! please no!). and don't you love his tough guy picture? he gets that little blond fuzz after every bath and is so great at sitting up. he prefers to be upright at all times and has just started leaning into a sit without falling when we put him on the couch or chairs. he does not prefer to lay down much, unless you are in his face making him smile. which he does now all the time! he becomes more expressive every day and loves to smile at mommy, daddy, and brother as well as his farm toys on the playmat.

at 10 weeks (our 2 month check up slightly late), rowan was 23 3/4in and 12lb 2 oz. i compared that to finley at 10 weeks and was amazed to see that he was almost exactly the same height and weight. rowan looks so much chunkier, but i think it's because his limbs are shorter and he has a rounder face (the cheeks?!). he's got these huge, adorable blue eyes and the pinkest skin. most of his baby acne is gone and he hasn't lost all of his hair (yet?).

he's still on the zantac for silent reflux and he seems to be doing better. he doesn't struggle to eat and rarely has back arching fits during or after nursing. he takes a bottle about once a week and i think he realizes it now, because he doesn't really prefer the bottle and fusses while eating. he still nurses every 2-3 hours, even at night and rarely stays asleep for more than 3 hours. in the last few days he has started to spit up more, but it seems painless and he doesn't really notice.

i'm planning to start cloth diapering as soon as we run out of the size 1 diapers we've got now. he's actually wearing his first cloth right now and i'm excited to get back into more eco friendly diapering (making use of finley's old diapers and saving some cash). not so much looking forward to what his poop-splosions will be like in those. rowan seems to store up 3-4 days worth of breastmilk and releases it in successive diapers over the course of about 2 hours. before this happens he is very fussy and he struggles to sleep or eat without crying and fidgeting. after it happens he typically needs a bath...

i'm struggling to manage my sleep schedule as he wakes up so frequently to eat and is very noisy between 4 am and 7 am, keeping me from getting much sleep. i'm pretty much struggling with getting most things done because rowan does not enjoy being put down that much, finley likes for someone to play with him, and i like to nap when i get the slightest chance (i'm not doing it now and i should be!). such is life with two!

baby rowan: 1 month

true to second kid form, i'm posting rowan's one month picture and stats just after he turned 8 weeks. oops! but he is one month in this photo!

at one month he was pretty much still a sleeping/eating machine. from his 1 week check up where he had regained to his birth weight of about 7 lbs, he weighed in at a whopping 9lb 11oz just three weeks later. he is my chubby baby, completely different than finley. and in just about any way you can compare babies, my boys could not be more different. they don't look alike and their tiny personalities have thus far been opposite. rowan is not a content baby, worse than i remember finley being. he did not like to be swaddled (i've forced it recently), doesn't sleep much, never stops moving, and makes so much noise. not little baby noise, but huge discontented grunts and groans. he always seems annoyed and possibly uncomfortable unless he is in a period of (limited) deep sleep or while he is eating (sometimes).

he was a great eater at first but quickly developed some sort of fussy arching and resisting to nurse despite rooting and searching for more food. after speaking with the pedi, we decided he was probably dealing with some reflux (perhaps silent as he really didn't spit up but was choking on and re-swallowing after every feed). he's been on a baby dose of zantac and it has helped with the choking/gurgling and some of the back arching. i'm planning to see a lactation consultant because he has become lazy (or resistant?) to maintaining a strong latch and will come on and off dozens of times during a single, one sided nursing session. it is messy and frustrating for both of us because he clearly isn't finished eating.

i love this boy dearly but he can be quite the handful, especially because obviously he's not the only child. he is most content when pressed against another body (preferably mine), sweating and sleeping. he wakes up upon being laid down and remains quite fussy throughout the day. not very much seems to make him happy and if you lay him down while he is awake, even for a second (say, to get dressed, make lunch, you know, stuff i need to do) he screams uncontrollably like you've left him somewhere without food for hours. parenting a preschooler (who has adjusted really, really wonderfully but is still 3) and trying to hold a crabby baby all day and then being up many times at night to nurse? it's a test of my parenting skills and my patience on a daily basis.

but i am acutely aware of the passing time and how fast things fly by so i am trying to accept the challenges as limited to this period in life and so fleeting. i know i spend more time just looking at rowan, trying to soak it all in before everything changes. sometimes i look at finley and he seems like a stranger. isn't he supposed to be this tiny, swaddled bundle, my baby? but he isn't my little baby anymore. i know him, i see him every day and yet...i don't know. i just try to figure out how it happened that he has imaginary friends, real friends in a new neighborhood, is fully potty trained all day, has long conversations that make sense....

so yeah. even at just 1 month in i found myself fretting over the days lost. no, they weren't really lost. i was there. but they were gone so quickly and even though they were hard, i already miss them.

1 week post partum

i wanted to document a few postpartum belly pictures, just like last time, because i know people want to know what it looks like after there's no baby in the belly. for decent reference, here's my last formal belly shot (at 34 weeks, because i hadn't taken a "real" 37 week set before delivering). imagine a few more inches/pounds there towards the end.

i gained 44 lbs this pregnancy. last time i gained 50 but went 9 days earlier, so i did a bit better this time around. i worked out right up until delivery but i have done nothing but breastfeed following the birth of rowan. i used a belly band as soon as i got home from the hospital and wore it all day (not at night). i still try and wear it because the pudge is hard to suck in. here's one week post partum: 

to be honest, i don't mind my side profile right now. but then, i have always looked a bit better from the side than from the front. i have a fairly narrow profile and things tend to look smaller than they really are. i gained a lot of weight in my thighs and hips and my belly is soft and squishy...the front view is not one i'll be posting ;)

at four days postpartum i had only lost 5 lbs (so, less than my baby weighed?). by three weeks postpartum i had lost 20 lbs. i won't start working out until 6 weeks, but i do hope to lose the remaining 24lbs a lot faster than it took me to get back into shape last time.

songs of life - when you grow up

this month the songs for life group focused on the song "when you grow up". being that i have a three week old (and a three year old), i couldn't realistically get out and shoot sidewalk chalking or a game of kickball with my boys. so i decided to shoot in a comfortable location (for all of us) and let finley interact with his baby brother. of course i helped the lifestyle element of this along by including a few appropriate props, but putting such a little baby and a sort of wild kiddo together means i have to control some elements.

finn took time to show brother his trains and a car and he "read" a story. when rowan grows up, maybe he'll be like finn. (i can only hope to have another sweet cherubic boy!) when they both grow up to be bigger than me, i don't know what they'll be, but i'm hoping this bond that's already clear just a few weeks in becomes even stronger. i'm a lucky mama to watch them grow together.

 

 

 

 

peering over the book to be sure rowan is listening.
 

 

 

 
telling rowan how big he'll be when he grows up.
 

 
comparing hands - one tiny and one medium.
 

 
my boys the brothers.
 

 

 

be sure to continue along the blog circle to see the rest of the "when you grow up" interpretations. here's the next one.

birth slideshow

the arrival of rowan alder in pictures (don't worry, nothing from delivery!)



rowan alder birth from alauna peterson on Vimeo.