5 months

finley is five months old today! we are spending time in mr. h3b's home town, so baby finn got to spend time with his aunties, uncle, and grandpa and grandma on his special day.

he continues to grow and learn and amaze me every day. he now grabs his pacifier to remove and replace it in his mouth, which is adorable. he is blowing spit bubbles and working on mouth raspberries. he reaches for and holds toys, chewing them and "chatting" to me. he still only rolls from belly to back, but he can kick his legs up by his chest and is just starting to reach for his feet. he giggles in response to tickling and funny faces and just two days ago had his first independent chuckle at the dogs. he is turning into a little person with his own thoughts that he can express.

i'm looking forward to the fun changes ahead. i already miss my tiny peanut, but this little baby he's turning into is fantastic. i'm looking to get him a jumper/exersaucer because he loves to sit and stand upright and play. we tested a johnny jumper and he was bored, so i think more stimulation is a must.

because we'll be in mn for the next two weeks, i won't be updating with pictures and such until we return home. we'll be back with fun summer photos and stories, i'm sure!

one year ago today

july 18, 2009 (above) and july 18, 2010 (below)

one year ago today we found out i was pregnant. i later wrote a blog post about it, describing the amazement we both felt and the craziness that was only beginning. i am so glad i've documented this time in our lives and now that we are here, a year later, i could not have imagined what a fantastic experience it has been.

finley is such an amazing being. parenthood is difficult and trying, but so very rewarding. for all of the fussing and (past) sleepless nights, we can easily focus on the smiles and giggles, the baby chatter, and the new found skills that occur almost daily. the love i feel for him and watching mr. h3b love him is indescribable. i am so lucky to be part of this family of 3 (five if you count to dogsons, which we do...) and i look forward to the changes and experiences ahead with wide eyes and open arms.

on body image

this won't be totally what you think. yes, i've mentioned that breastfeeding has not been the miracle weight loss program that i'd hoped. i m not in shape and am either too tired or too lazy to work out. i still have at least 15 lbs to lose before i feel good about myself. the only saving grace to all of this is that my boobs are still large and in charge and people have commented on their wonderful, round, in-your-face appearance. those same lovely people have spared me comments about my thighs, thankfully, since those babies are as much bam! as the boobs.

because of my lack of changing shape, i need to find a few more nursing friendly and better fitting to this body clothes. so i'm in target wearing finn in the ergo and he is fussing like crazy to be fed. i decide to pick up a pair of long, dark denim shorts and head to the fitting room to both nurse and try on. the size selection was limited: a few 4s (my old size), a 6, and a 12, 16, and 18. i grab the size 12 hanger and know that at least i will fit into that to see the shape of the short on me.

i nurse finn and the moment to "slip" into the shorts arrives. except, i don't slip into them. i shimmy, i tug, i grimace. i finally hike those super tight shorts up and cannot do more than that. my face falls and my self esteem plummets with it. i decide that i must close them (at the risk, seriously, of breaking them) so i suck in, push my belly upward, and finally get the top hook closed. i still cannot do the zipper, but i didn't care. i sighed, finley grinned, and i "slipped" back out of the shorts. i glance down only to see that the tag reads "size 4". what? no, i picked up a 12. the hanger said so. alas, i was squeezing my self into my old size and, old size, screw you. i buttoned you over my post baby body and while my muffin top was abundant and my thighs tested your seams, i'm not that far away.

i literally bounced out of the dressing room with a spring in my step and told the attendant what a cruel trick the shorts had played on me. she didn't respond with more than a confused look, but i didn't care. i'll get back there and i will zip those shorts.

4 months!

tiny finley is now 4 months and not so tiny anymore. at his 4 month well baby, he weighed in at 13lbs 12oz and was 26 in(!). according to the pediatrician he is in the 95th percentile for height and about the 45th for weight, so he's still skinny. he got his shots and did really well until this last one, adorned with a cars band aid. lots of screaming for that (and from me, both sad for my peanut and freaking out that he might see the cars band aid and become a lightning mcqueen addict like so many little boys i know)

but it seems he's made a complete recovery and was completely oblivious to the car. aside from getting bigger, he's added quite a few "skills" to his repertoire. the most exciting development: giggling! on exactly his 4 month "birthday" he decided it was time to start belly laughs and he gave me a solid 15 minutes of laughing and smiling in response to tickling. i teared up a bit and still do (as it's still elusive) thinking that he makes these noises as a happiness response and the giggles are so sweet to hear.

his tummy time is improving, and with those strong muscles, he a sat up unassisted for about 5 seconds. i haven't seen him do it again, so more practice is needed. he has a car walker (we have no stairs) and activity center that he has just gotten into and loves to use his nose to turn on the music and honk the horn. anything and everything goes into his mouth and drool pours out. he has begun "talking" while gumming and enjoys cooing back and forth with his toys. such a big boy!

we took a trip out to pittsburgh to visit friends and to go to his "street of conception" (holden, his middle name) one year after he was conceived. tmi? we'll spare him those details in the future ;) above is his first night in a hotel. i enjoyed the big king bed and fluffy bedding, but finn may have liked it even more.

and while in pittsburgh, finn celebrated his first fourth of july. i believe he slept through the fireworks and our mini sparkler show, but he was able to enjoy more than one bbq and plenty of time with friends. i love his tiny hat - my mom bought that for him in april and it was spinning on his head at that time. looks like he'll take after mr. h3b and have a big noggin full of smarts :)
as long as he's clapping, i don't think he'll mind ;)

first father's day - 16 weeks

oh hey there, hands! clasped!

finn celebrated with his daddy this sunday for their first father's day. it was a delight to watch mr. h3b, as always, but very special to know that finley is such a lucky baby to have the most loving father. (if you must know, finn got mr. h3b tickets to see the minnesota twins at the new ballpark.)

aside from being a happy, smiley baby, he continues to grow and learn about the world around him. his hands are either in his mouth or in front of his face and he reaches out to smack toys with the occasional grasp and successful hold. i keep working on sitting up with him, but he much prefers ot lay on his back and stare up at the world around him. his head is so flat that i constantly worry he'll need a helmet. i am trying my best to do tummy time, bumbo, lap sitting, standing, etc. to take some pressure off, but he fusses or screams!

we went back to my home town to visit his grandparents and his grandma weighed him at the baby scale in her office. he was 13 lb 14 oz and 24 inches long. his 4 month appointment is next monday, so we'll see where he's at officially. i know by looking at him that he's a long, pretty skinny baby. he has some creases, but no pudgey rolls. he still has bad baby acne, some of which are huge swollen cysts and i feel so bad because they look like they must hurt. i would like to have something stronger to put on them because (yes) for vanity's sake, they bug me, but for real they look so sore!

in the biggest news, while eating at a restaurant tonight with his other grandma, mr. h3b and i heard the very first real laugh. it was followed by a quizzical look (from him) and silence, but the three of us heard him giggle. can't wait for more!

 

tiny scrunched nose, tucked lip.

15 weeks old

thanks again to all who commented on my sob story post last week. thankfully, finn hasn't been as fussy and my milk seems to have upped itself a bit. i'm drinking one glass of tea a day and pumping every night and i have enough for him plus 5 oz to store every day and a half, so i'm feeling much better. it still worries me because i no longer feel engorged and i don't leak unless i'm feeding him. i should be thankful, because i'm pretty sure i complained about those things during the first few weeks, but they were strong signs that i had a lot of milk. i just have to get used to the change, i guess.

i've been working on finn to get him to giggle, but i just can't get a belly laugh. he squeals and pants and gets excited, but he hasn't laughed yet. his smiles will melt your heart, though. they are so big, and he shares them with me, and others, throughout the day. when i go into the nursery in the morning, he just grins from ear to ear. he loves his daddy and gives mr. h3b such big, opened mouth smiles. i feel like i waited a long time for social smiles, but with how often i get them now, it was worth the wait!

he got a bumbo seat off craigslist, so he's been practicing head control, sitting up, and playing with toys in an upright position. the picture above is his very first night and he seemed shocked yet relaxed. hilarious. he loves to "stand" and "jump" in my lap. his most favorite thing is when i run my finger up and down between his lips and make accompanying sound effects. he can find me in a room and looks for me when he hears my voice. he is just beginning to hold onto toys, but he doesn't reach for them yet. today he discovered his toes and feet and spent 15 minutes staring at them while curling and flexing his toes. if he's not swaddled, his hands are in his mouth. they must be tasty! he just continues to grow and change and learn so much, so fast.

last week i'm ripping my hair out, this week my heart overflows with love and amazement, it's a wild ride, but i'm so glad i'm on it.

my "happy" baby

by "happy", i mean not at all.

something happened to my sweet, precious boy. in the last few days he has turned into finley, the meanie monster baby. he cries. all day. he fusses before, during, and after nursing. he cries laying down. sitting in the bouncer. playing on the farm mat. resting on my lap. he cries when he's in his carseat, unless we're driving on the highway or walking quickly in the stroller. about the only time he doesn't cry is during the few moments i am walking him around (and he enjoys it) or if he's in the moby. in fact, he cried today while he was sleeping. and i'm talking sobbing. screaming, choking, wailing. i've tried everything but baby tylenol. well, i haven't tried alcohol. (not for finn. for me? yes. oh yes.)

top this with a massive tank in my breastmilk supply (part of the issue?) and i feel quite down. i don't know what happened. i had oversupply, forceful letdown, plenty of milk to pump before and after a feeding...and now i've got a few measly ounces from the entire day! it's frustrating and i'm so nervous i won't make more milk. i'm drinking mother's milk tea and pumping as often as i can and i hope i can get back to where i was. oh the days of cursing my engorged, leaking breasts. the grass. it's greener over there.

and while we're on the topic of breastfeeding. you all are liars!! i am not skinny. i think i've even gained weight in the last week. pounds are not melting away as i struggle to feed my baby. so yes, sign me up for a table, pity party for one. (make that two. poor mr.h3b has to deal with finn crying and me complaining about finn crying.)

 

if he wasn't this cute, i'd leave him outside in a basket that says free to a good home. (i'm kidding. but it's been a rough few days. i still love him, crying and all.)