on body image

this won't be totally what you think. yes, i've mentioned that breastfeeding has not been the miracle weight loss program that i'd hoped. i m not in shape and am either too tired or too lazy to work out. i still have at least 15 lbs to lose before i feel good about myself. the only saving grace to all of this is that my boobs are still large and in charge and people have commented on their wonderful, round, in-your-face appearance. those same lovely people have spared me comments about my thighs, thankfully, since those babies are as much bam! as the boobs.

because of my lack of changing shape, i need to find a few more nursing friendly and better fitting to this body clothes. so i'm in target wearing finn in the ergo and he is fussing like crazy to be fed. i decide to pick up a pair of long, dark denim shorts and head to the fitting room to both nurse and try on. the size selection was limited: a few 4s (my old size), a 6, and a 12, 16, and 18. i grab the size 12 hanger and know that at least i will fit into that to see the shape of the short on me.

i nurse finn and the moment to "slip" into the shorts arrives. except, i don't slip into them. i shimmy, i tug, i grimace. i finally hike those super tight shorts up and cannot do more than that. my face falls and my self esteem plummets with it. i decide that i must close them (at the risk, seriously, of breaking them) so i suck in, push my belly upward, and finally get the top hook closed. i still cannot do the zipper, but i didn't care. i sighed, finley grinned, and i "slipped" back out of the shorts. i glance down only to see that the tag reads "size 4". what? no, i picked up a 12. the hanger said so. alas, i was squeezing my self into my old size and, old size, screw you. i buttoned you over my post baby body and while my muffin top was abundant and my thighs tested your seams, i'm not that far away.

i literally bounced out of the dressing room with a spring in my step and told the attendant what a cruel trick the shorts had played on me. she didn't respond with more than a confused look, but i didn't care. i'll get back there and i will zip those shorts.