nursery...finally!!

the day has come! we have a real nursery with most everything finished and it's finally time to share. this page is full of pictures - you should be able to click on the them to view a larger size. i'll share where i got everything at the bottom, but please leave a note if you'd like more info on anything :)

ok, here are the details:

wall color - going gray (olympic premium zero VOC)
crib - babymod olivia (walmart)
dresser - trondheim 6 drawer (ikea)
rocker - alto (monte designs)
bookshelf - expedit (ikea)
rug - white faux sheepskin (homedecorators.com)
doxie lamp (offi)
yellow lamp shade (ikea)
animal a-z poster (etsy seller tarahogan)
white wall frames - ribba (ikea)
white table frames (walmart)
aqua curtains (target)
square mirrors - sorli (ikea)
yellow pillow (world market)
crib skirt (handmade by me, fabric michael miller ta dot)
yellow toy bin - beverage tub (target)
white storage bins - skubb (ikea)
elephant rocker (jcpenney)
alarm clock - duck (home goods, also available at amazon.com)

mobile (handmade by me)
poms (handmade by friend)
quotes posters (handmade by me)
finley blocks (etsy seller tinygiraffeshop)

i love the nursery. it is so relaxing and overall we did it on a budget (save for the rocker), with many handmade items and affordable decor pieces. i can finally sit in there with one of my 20 rockabye albums playing, nursing finn, and watching the fan blow the hanging decorations. perfection :)

6 weeks

finley is 6 weeks today!

he had his "one month" checkup on wednesday and his stats shocked his pediatrician. my tiny peanut now weights 9 lb 11 oz and is 22 inches. that puts him between the 50th and 75th percentile of baby boys his age. he has most certainly caught up and i am so proud that he is an exclusively breastfed baby. when she weighed him, the dr. said "i almost don't believe it!", since he was 5 lb 14 oz at birth.

she started him on tri-vi-sol with iron vitamin supplements and also prescribed an ointment for his blocked tear duct. of course, the duct has been blocked for weeks and has magically cleared up without using the ointment even one time. he screamed the entire appointment and things went from bad to worse when he got his hep b shot - the kind of scream that starts with just an open mouth and sad eyes but no noise and ends in frantic newborn wails.

i'm not sure if the was the shot or the vitamins or his 6 week growth spurt, but the next day he was the fussiest baby ever. today, though, he was happy and alert and back to his adorable self. i caught him playing with toys in his crib and was so excited to see him start to recognize objects and reach out for them. the arm movements are still jerky and he rarely makes contact, but i can see the wheels turning. it's so amazing to see the changes - he grows and learns every single day.

as promised, updates from my 6 week postpartum checkup. i am healthy, stitches are gone, and my dr. told me i could resume all normal activity. workouts, here i come! i've lost 30 lbs (of the 50 i gained) without more than a handful of walks, so we'll see where working out gets me.

5 weeks, first easter

happy easter from the finn bunny!

after having grandparents in town for the weekend (which allowed us to go out on our first date without the baby), mr. h3b, finn and i celebrated easter with pizza (oops, i forgot to buy the ham and sides...). it's the first time i've ever not had an easter dinner, but i'm not sure i had the energy to cook one anyway. we did dye eggs and ate tons of candy. finley got his first easter basket and dressed up for the occasion.

life with a newborn has become more routine now. 5 weeks have passed and i am used to less sleep and his "schedule" of eating and napping. i went from wanting to quit breastfeeding to enjoy it more and more. it's a struggle with the leaking, but finn has learned the position i put him in right before he gets to eat and he settles and opens his mouth, ready to nurse.

he is changing so fast and growing like crazy. i swear can see more chub on his cheeks at the end of each day. he has some pretty bad baby acne and a bit of cradle cap yet, but it doesn't keep him from being adorable. he has mastered eye contact for brief moments and has noticed toys and objects besides the walls. he is more content to be set down on his playmat or bouncer to look at the toys and kick and coo now that he can connect with the objects. i can't believe how interactive he's becoming. i've seen a few tiny smiles, but i'm still waiting to share eye contact and a reactive smile - i know it's coming!

his sleep comes in longer stretches some nights (not more than 4 hours yet) and i've enjoyed a bit more rest. i still haven't mastered completing multiple daily tasks, though. i'm torn between "sleep when the baby sleeps" and real life. he sleeps best on stroller walks on in the moby, so i can't sleep then. plus, i'd like to shower, do laundry, wash dishes, go to the grocery store...but i usually can only accomplish one of those things on any given day. to be honest, sometimes none of those things happen...but i'm content spending those days on the couch playing with him, catching up on sleep and web surfing, and feeding on demand.

this past week, i started using grobaby cloth diapers. they are huge on him yet, but easy to use so far. i haven't washed the inserts the recommended 8 or so times, so they certainly don't absorb as well as disposables yet. i have found that they leak and his runny poop does reach the outer shell, so i've had to wash everything and not just the inserts. this isn't a bad review though. it's only been a week, he's still kind of tiny, and they haven't been washed enough. i'll give an update when we've used them a bit longer.

this week i'm looking forward to his 6 week check up and a long visit from grandma (my mom). i also have my postpartum appointment. updates on weight (his and possibly mine) and such after that!

1 month postpartum

well, unless i get abs of steel in the next few months that i'll definitely want to show off, these will be my last belly pictures for this pregnancy. i still have a nice layer of flubby skin on my low belly, but the bump is pretty much gone. i haven't weighed myself but i know i'm not even close to pre-pregnancy. i have a lot to lose on my arms, hips and thighs and somehow i've got to get rid of the stretchmarks that are everywhere. no lie, i found more after pregnancy and i have no idea how i'll ever wear a bathing suit without scaring people from the beach. with that, here's my 2 week and 1 month postpartum belly shots:

as far as being 1 month past labor, i'm feeling good (aside from exhaustion due to certain newborn's schedule). the first few weeks were difficult to move around, but i've healed quite well. thank goodness for mesh underwear, ice packs, pads, and witch hazel (plus a constant dose of motrin). i've been off those things for the past two weeks and i feel almost back to normal. though for standard tmi purposes, my stitches are still in place. i'll be happy when those melt or absorb or whatever they do...i could go without the direct reminder of how i got them ;)

i'm lucky to have not gotten the baby blues. at least, not yet. i was of course sad about no longer being pregnant, but my baby makes me so happy that i can't possibly get sad over him. yes, i get frustrated when he cries at 4 am and i am tired. i have some self esteem problems over this body i'm left with, but it got me a healthy baby and i am thankful for the work it did. overall, i'd say i'm doing well and feeling pretty good!

after a month of breastfeeding, i finally feel comfortable with it. it wasn't easy. it was painful for the first few days, but i pumped on top of his feedings and have a freezer stash with 100 oz ready when i need it. he can now latch easily and it's no longer painful. i wanted and still want to give up, but i won't. i know the benefits and i do think as he becomes more alert, the bonding will continue. right now i feel like an animal, which, i guess i am. mammals lactate and feed their young - humans aren't special in that regard. i also hate how much i leak. breast pads are annoying and mine are constantly "full". i wash nursing bras and tops almost daily. if i even think of finn my boobs fill up and consequently leak...

so, that's that. i've been a mom for one month and i couldn't be happier with my little family. mr. h3b is an amazing father and watching him (he's wearing the moby and vacuuming as i write this!) with his son makes me so proud and happy. we are a team and i am so lucky.                                         

1 month/due date

oh my, time flies! finley turned one month old today, on his original due date (3.26.10 - this posted late). i cannot imagine just giving birth or possibly being pregnant right now, still waiting for labor to begin. as much as i (still) miss being pregnant, i bet that ninth month is pretty tough ;) i'd take another month somewhere in the second trimester!

finn is growing like crazy. he is so chubby now, with round cheeks, an extra chin, and a huge belly. it's adorable and crazy at the same time - how can he gain so much from a liquid diet? and so fast? i bought pants for him last friday and they were too big on the waist. today they fit him! i'm proud of me for being able to feed him so well and pleased that he has done such a good job learning to breastfeed.

he has even more active/alert time now. his sweet little eyes search the room for exciting things. still ranking high on that list are: lamps, the blue walls, and the ceiling. but he really loves our faces. he is content to look into our eyes and study our features. i started reading to him and his face brightens as he listens to my voice and watches me talk. it melts my heart to connect with him like this - as a person who hears and sees and wonders. i love everything about him!

i've got plenty to post about postpartum recovery and my favorites baby items thus far, but for now, here are some pictures from his one month photo shoot today. i took these this afternoon and he was such a cooperative little baby!

the first and last pictures feature quilts my husband used as a baby. one was made by his mom and one by his great grandma. his mom brought them down so i could take pictures with finn using them.

3 weeks

i have a three week old baby! that's crazy, because i should be 39 weeks pregnant. instead i have my little peanut baby here by my side, snoozing while i skip sleep to blog...

the first few weeks have been great. sure, tiring, occasionally stressful, and certainly the adjustment of a lifetime. but looking at finley, watching him change before my eyes - it's been amazing. somehow i can survive on spurts of one hour of sleep, being his sole food source, and i'm sure it's because i get to spend my days loving on him.

mr. h3b and i were lucky enough to have grandma support for the first two weeks which made the transition into parenthood quite smooth. having extra hands whenever, for things beyond baby holding, was exactly what we needed to cope with the changes. dishes were magically done. laundry washed, folded, and put away. groceries purchased and meals prepared. there was plenty of grandson loving, too :) hmm, typing this out makes me miss those first bleary days for (of course) newborn baby and live-in gmas.

finn is growing so quickly. i weighed myself and him on the wii and it seems as though he is now about 7.5lb - we'll see at his 1 month check up. he is breastfeeding like a champ. we ditched the nipple shields during week 2 and he now latches easily (mostly) and feeds about every 2.5 hours. this results in short naps, but he's gotten calmer and more used to sleeping on his own. the first week or so was filled with noises and whimpers and cries that kept us all up. unless he was being held or laying next to someone, there was no sleep. he now sleeps soundly in his bouncer (not so much the pack and play yet) while swaddled in the kiddopotamus.

the biggest change we've noticed (aside from increased lung capacity...) is his ability to track objects. he crosses his eyes less often and can see things you move around in front of him. we attached the toy bar to his bouncer tonight and he watched those things for a good 20 minutes. it is amazing to see him stare in awe at the world around him. so innocent and interested.

i find myself snuggling into his neck folds and smelling his baby shampooed hair and just cherishing these sweet moments of tiny. i love when he finds me with his eyes, so alert, like he knows that i'm his mom. i crave his smooth skin and can't help but rub the back of his neck and his skinny thighs without even realizing i'm doing it. i'm starting to know his cries and noises and i feel at ease comforting him when he is upset.

i'm not perfect and i have no idea what will happen next, but newborn is faster than pregnancy, and i'm just trying my best to take it all in. pictures, videos, memories - everything is fleeting and i feel like i need to document it all. but i'm also happy to watch the sleep smiles, post feed eyebrow scrunch, and adorable successive sneezes and just be in the moment.

on not being pregnant

it should come as no surprise to me that i'm no longer pregnant. this is proven when i 1) look down at my deflated belly and/or 2) look over to see my beautiful baby. however, these things do not keep me from forgetting, every hour or so, that i was pregnant just over a week ago and that sometimes i think i still am. i knew i wouldn't like not being pregnant, even as sore and tired as i was towards the end (and i only made it 36w!). don't get me wrong, i love finley more than anything in the world. i love having him out here to gaze at and to adore. but i still long to feel him inside of me, where he was all mine and i was never alone.

it's probably a bit of post baby blues, mild though noticeable, but i feel sad every time i realize i'm not pregnant. no more kicks, no more belly, no more keeping my inside baby safe and warm at all times. if i take a nap, or go to the store, or sit at my computer, i do it alone. i said it was fleeting and it was. maybe it's because he came a month early - i missed out on a whole (uncomfortable) month with him still in there, pushing out his bum and rolling for the video camera. i don't want to feel sad about this. and thankfully, it doesn't keep me from enjoying every second of my baby. but i miss pregnancy all the same.

when i get a little teary eyed, i remind myself, so easily, that i get to hold him tight on the outside. to see his hair, his lips, his tiny wrinkled knees. i get to kiss his face and to hear him coo and gurgle his content (or discontent). i am his sole source of food and the person he probably recognizes most. i am lucky to have him safe and healthy. he is with me in my arms, to kick and flail out here in the world.

and i do enjoy not being pregnant, too. i can bend over! i slept on my stomach last night. i ate a lunch meat sandwich two days in a row and already indulged in wine and champagne. but i will never be someone who says "i hated being pregnant". and i'm not sure how long it will take me to stop missing it, or if i will. i want to have more children and i will hopefully experience it again, but the first time is so special. it was perfect, i am lucky, and i know i'm allowed to have mixed emotions about this whole experience.

but looking at this face everyday? it makes everything ok :)