baby rowan: 7 months

well, he's more than half a year old. closer to one than to fresh newborn. as always, impossible! yet, here we are. sleep deprived to no end and still smitten with this chubby cheeked little guy.

rowan continues to be the complete opposite of finley (compare). he is a giggler, happy and smiley when all is right in his world. he's rounder, he's got straight blonde hair, and he can't sleep for anything. so i'll start with that. he doesn't sleep well, especially at night. he has gotten better at naps and sleeps in his crib during the day for those (or in the car since he tags along with finley's schedule). he naps three times a day and one of those is usually about two hours. at night, he falls asleep after a bedtime routine and nursing and starts in his crib. he wakes all night every night with a shrill, awful cry/scream, desperate for someone to hold him. he nurses 3-4 times between midnight and the morning unless i am so tired that i bring him into bed...then he nurses almost all night.

he hasn't slept longer than a 2-hour stretch for at least a month now. we've tried lots of "sleep solutions". all of the no cry ones i can find, cry it out for various lengths of time, nursing on demand, teething tablets, tylenol, lavender on the feet, hot room/cold room, white noise/music/silence, and even formula. i ebf and rarely even pump, but with our recent illnesses i thought maybe he was just so hungry and my supply wasn't enough so we gave him a few bottles a couple of times. he took them like a champ but it provided no relief in the sleep department. night terrors have been suggested but he isn't confused/unable to wake up and he is easily soothed if he gets what he wants. he is crying out to be held all night and even when held, he shrieks to nurse throughout the night. it's impossible! i haven't had a "good" night of sleep in 10 months. i don't think i've even slept for more than 4 hours at a single time for at least 9 months. i feel like i am going crazy with emotions over why he won't sleep and what it's doing to all of us. someday it HAS to click, right? at some point he WILL sleep. that's all i can hope right now.

otherwise, he's a pretty good baby. he is loving solid foods and wants to eat all of the time, especially when he sees anyone eating. he sits up and scoots around a little, leans forward and back to sitting. one of his favorite games is to throw his body into our comforter and then sit back up over and over. he can roll from back to belly but not the other way around (well, not that he does reliably, anyway). once on his belly he gets up on his hands, but no scooting, army crawl, dragging, etc and when he finds himself in this position he just cries. he can't pull himself up on furniture or toys, so no cruising or crib standing unless i place him there. he's mostly a sedentary child :)

he loves his big brother. he takes great delight when finn plays with him and even a glance in his direction gives rowan the biggest smile. just today they played together and rowan was the happiest i have ever seen him - his big blue eyes totally, happily fixated on the antics of his big brother. i hope their bond grows to be something great. i know it will be something i know nothing about, not really. it's when i think about their brotherhood that i realize (among countless other things) they are their own selves. they will have secrets and memories and stories and shared glances that come from times of which i am not privvy. i know this relationship as a sibling/sister, but i won't know THEIR relationship like they do. and it's already starting right here before my eyes.

even despite the lack of sleep, i am desperate to freeze time. i love this age. i love babies sitting up, giggling, happy to play hand clapping games. rowan just started reaching for me when i come to him and it melts my heart. he's beginning to understand kisses and will lean in, open mouthed, for a peck. he's still a baby, swaddled for naps, cuddly and sweet smelling but he's got a big personality and i just want to soak it up for more time.

baby rowan: 6 months

i don't know how i got here. how he got here. 6 months?! my SECOND child is six months old, halfway to a year? i'm so glad and so fortunate to watch him grow but man, slow.your.roll.

rowan at 6 months is like a whole new world. for one, he sits up. since being upright and facing forward to see everything is his favorite, this allows him to see what's going on and he is much happier. when he is happy, he is such a little ball of sunshine. he is starting to play by himself, holding toys and babbling and he really enjoys the jumperoo. everything he touches goes into his mouth and his chewing and drooling leads me to believe he might be teething, but no real signs of anything coming through yet.

we started solid foods and he seems to be getting the hang of it pretty quick. his first food was sweet potato and he's since had apple/pear/cinnamon sauce, avocado, peas, and banana. the only thing he pretty much refused was banana (?). i made all of finn's food and i'll do the same for rowan because i enjoy it. last time i was very strict about introducing foods one at a time but i've already mixed foods and overlapped new foods on a single day. on his third day of trying food he ate the sweet potato dish from thanksgiving (a puree with orange, sweet potato, spices and probably butter) like he'd been downing adult food his whole life.

sleep has been good and bad. naps have greatly improved and he now sleeps 1-2 hours at a time at least once a day and it starting to get a schedule of day time sleep. unfortunately, his night time is consistent...in that he wakes up every night at least 4 times. he goes to bed at about 8:45 and sleeps for about 3 hours. that's his long stretch. he's up every 1.5-2 hours until morning and he nurses every time. i guess the best thing about that is that he goes back to sleep each time and stays asleep. still, finley slept ALL night and i am not used to being this tired. (so. tired.) he's crying a lot less now, though, and i think better naps has helped his overall mood.

at his 6 month well baby we found out he has a double ear infection. i'm not surprised since i've been very sick for over three weeks and passed the cold portion of it over to him. i went in to make sure he was fine, got the all clear/viral, and 2 weeks later - ear infections! he was pretty miserable for a few days with sad, tired eyes and i felt so bad! we also got his stats. 17lb 2oz, 27" which is the same height as finn at this age but two pounds heavier! and as you can see they look almost nothing alike so while brothers, i imagine they will be very different boys.

baby rowan: 5 months

little tiny mr. baby is now 5 months (and some change). cue the dramatics because we're just a few weeks away from 6 months. half a year. how?? little baby is growing and changing and it really is so fun to watch all over again. i don't have any stats since we didn't visit the pedi this month, but he certainly looks older than last month to me. he's wearing 3-6, 6, and 9 month clothing comfortably but since we're trying to use finn's old stuff, he's been wearing lots of too big 6-12 month sleepers since finn wasn't that big until winter and closer to 9/10 months.

activity wise, ro is not a big mover. he does not roll either way and rarely participates in tummy time for any amount of time. he can hold his toes, kick and swat at toys and he easily spots, reaches for and often grabs objects he desires. he is just starting to sit up unassisted but can't be unattended as he easily topples. mostly, he is content being held and does enjoy bouncing in his jumperoo and occasionally playing on his play mat. he's pretty much over the swing and bouncer and so far hates the bumbo. 

he's super cute and it's a good thing because he could not be worse at sleeping. while he has gotten slightly better at napping some days (sometimes he will sleep 1-2 hours consecutively and i am SO thankful), he is unable to sleep for very long at night. he has a bed time routine and is usually nursing before sleep around 8:45pm. this is his long stretch of sleep...until midnight. then he is up every 1.5-2 hours all night. i feed him between 4 and 5 times a night every night because not much else calms him or puts him back to sleep. we have tried soothing, patting, rocking, pacifiers. he gets mad if my husband offers him a bottle (though he will eventually take one). occasionally we are all so tired we let him cry. and he just...cries. so, we are tired. his night time sleep is actually worse now than it was 2 months ago.

as for the breastfeeding, he's still doing well at that. unlike finn, rowan is a comfort nurser. if he had his way, he would nurse every hour. i know that works for some people but it doesn't work for me. this leads him to be sort of fussy quite frequently because i deny him what he wants. we're starting solids at 6 months just as we did with finn and i am hoping that other forms of food might interest him enough to let go of the strong desire to nurse. he is really into meal times and reaches for food so i think he'll be excited to try some purees.

and then there's this one, who looks about thirteen here. i know when he's actually thirteen i will look at photos from this age and think he looks so little, like a baby still, but he just seems SO grown up to me.

his only childhood

i know i have mentioned here that 3 is a hard age. parenting is difficult. i feel like it's a constant battle and it hasn't gotten easier the closer he gets to 4.

he is a sweet boy and we've changed his life pretty drastically this year (new baby, new house, new neighborhood, school), so some outburts are to be expected. but the kid is down right naughty at times (um, most times..?) and i find it impossible to keep my cool. i'm a "no" mom. i wish i were a "yes" mom but i freak out over messes and spills and toys everywhere and loud noises. it's not like i expect a speak only when spoken to, hang out in your room childhood. but i do require that he sit at the table for his meals, knees under the table facing forward with minimal spilling and use of utensils. i expect him to clean up his toys every day and to only have 1 or 2 types of toys out at any one time. i don't like it when he uses the furniture as a jungle gym, i don't like slamming toys into walls, i don't like anything being thrown in the house. so, i find myself saying no a lot. lots of warnings, lots of time outs (not just for these things, of course. sometimes he hits or screams or worse.), lots of me saying "finley, did you hear me? are you listening?". enough freedom? i don't know.

for as much as i say no, i say yes to things others might not. i allow him to go outside alone in our fenced back yard. i don't make him hold my hand everywhere. he gets in and out of the car on his own, even on the street. in writing that out, maybe i just let him live dangerously when outside of the house?! but really, even inside he is free to be on his own. i have always showered while he is awake, wandering the house. he can play wherever he wants, he just can't DO whatever he wants.

my point? i'm trying to find ways to say yes or relax a bit more because this is his ONE childhood. have i said that here before? my husband said it once and it is still resonating with me today. i'm going to make a graphic print of it and hang it so i can be reminded. this is his one childhood. he doesn't get another and i do want to make it as good as it can be. that doesn't mean every outing, ice cream all day, stay up and play as you please. i wish it could! no, i do want to teach him to be a productive, respectful member of society. a well behaved young man. a good eater, a hard worker, a funny person. but i also want him to be 3. to be 4 and 5 and so on and to be free to be a child. i don't want to spend every day telling him what he cannot do. what he has to do before he can do any of the things he loves to do. finding that balance has been on my mind every day lately. how can i help him have fun? how can i play as much as he wants without going crazy myself. how can i dote on a baby and a preschooler? how can i make his only childhood a great one? work in progress, i guess.

finn in preschool

pardon me while i pass the heck out. preschool?! it's been almost a month and i am still reeling over the fact that my tiny little baby boy is off at school without me. i feel like if everyone knows how fast it all goes, why can't we seem to figure that whole thing out and SLOW it down? time, man.

anyway. finn started preschool this year and he loves it. he's the oldest in his class and only going 2 days a week for 2 hours, but it's legit play based school. i love that he bounds right in, says good morning to everyone, and hardly notices i'm still in the room or that i leave. ok, and a tiny bit heartbroken that after 3 years of being with me almost all day every single day, eh doesn't find it difficult to be without me. i credit the YMCA drop off for that, since he's been going since he was 1 and we worked through that phase.

he brings his "packpack" and he sits criss-cross applesauce. he washes his hands 500 times and puts his hands on his lap to wait before eating his snack once all of his classmates have been served. he brings home "beetiful" art and notes from his teachers. but he won't tell me about it, really. he gets frustrated because he can't remember or he doesn't want to share. "don't tell me bout that, mom!", he responds if i ask him what he did, if he sang songs, read books, etc.

even though it's all going too quick, i'm thankful he's enjoying it. i'm hoping he makes some new friends and learns the things he might not have while at home with just me. i secretly kinda hope he misses me sometimes, too ;) i mean, this face? i certainly miss it!

baby rowan: 4 months

this baby is 4 months! i don't have his measurements because he hasn't had his appointment yet, but he is bigger! so much chubbier than finn seemed, rounder with shorter legs.

if i could some up this past month in a word or two: please, sleep. i know parents battle with this ALL of the time. i know finn had his moments but we were so spoiled and we didn't know it. rowan does not sleep great. he cannot transition through sleep cycles and he is constantly waking up screaming. honestly, it is so annoying. he is tired and he needs more sleep, but i can't seem to figure out how to help him. we are still swaddling, still using a pacifier, using the swing, trying the crib, quiet, loud, noise machine, and so on... every few days he sleeps like a champ. hours upon hours of straight sleep. most days he cat naps and screams. not all day, but every time he wakes up. if i pick him up/nurse him he will go back to sleep, but he wants that each time, so, every 20 minutes? it's impossible.

he treated us to a few really long night sleeps (8:45pm to 4am one night) but he's now back to going down at about 9:30 pm (we start at 8:30 but it takes that long for him to settle, eat, resettle and fall asleep). he wakes between 1 and 2 am for a feed but goes right back to sleep. he wakes again between 4 and 5 and then again at about 7:30. again, i won't lie. getting up every two hours for a 4 month old is tough. since i know he can sleep for longer (since he has!) it is frustrating, but if i don't nurse him, he screams and wakes everyone up. i don't know what to do so i do the easiest thing. i moved him out of the bed and into his crib pretty easily and mostly i did it because he would prefer to comfort feed all night. i know that works for many people, but it doesn't work for me (and it certainly doesn't work for my husband who can't sleep through it if he makes noise and can't sleep around him if he doesn't..ie, pillows on his face).

to say that the lack of longer/scream-free naps while at home is difficult would be an understatement. and while i'm complaining and before i gush, i'll note that he haaates the car seat. screams as i lower him in, screams as he's buckled, screams through the car ride if we aren't moving (sometimes when we are). if/when he falls asleep it's not so bad, but as soon as we stop he's awake and screaming. there is no easing into it. he's up and he's practically vomiting through his sobs.

but. BUT. he laughs. he loves having his head and neck caressed and finds putting on clothing so hilarious. he is so interactive and expressive now. he found his hands a few days ago and can now grab and hold onto toys. everything goes into his mouth. his fingers, our fingers, all toys, all fabrics. he is a big thumb/finger/hand sucker and drools like crazy. he can spot us from across the room and tips his chin down while smiling coyly. he has been slightly better about playing/being independently and will permit us to set him down on his playmat, in his swing, or in his jumperoo for a few minutes at a time.

also adorable? he's finding his own feet. he can't grab at them yet, but he lifts them up and down and uses them to kick things on purpose (aimed at hanging toys, mostly). and he loves to look at them.

i hope he's the foot grabbing type. i love that!

baby rowan: 3 months

oooh.k. i am behind. here is a picture of rowan at 3 months. he was cute then, cuter now even! i'm working on my four month post, too, since this one is a MONTH behind.

baby rowan in month 3 was tough. he is still working out his sleep schedule, still figuring out how often he might want to eat, still demanding that someone hold him 97% of his day. but, he smiled a ton and learned to giggle so that pretty much makes being tired seem trivial. i'm just going to skip right over this month, really, and post in the 4 month one. oopsies!