baby rowan: 9 months

mr. baby is 9 months! he's as many months out as he was in (gave or take some weeks, i guess). he's 18lb8oz (10-25%) and 28 1/2" (55%), so shorter and heavier than finn at this age which makes him look a lot bigger in pictures. a lot changed for him this past month and it's happening so quickly! the biggest milestone has been crawling. i mentioned it in the last update and since he first started, he's turned into an expert! so quick to the cords, the tiny flecks of paper, rogue lego parts, and the dogs' food and water. but also quick to his toys, to his mama, to chase his brother.

he can now pull up on everything, so he entertains himself at his music table and busy box, jumps in his crib (now much lower), and attempts to scandalize me while i'm in pajama pants. he loves to get out of the house and experience busy places - he's so much happier when he's not inside our house! he's great at restaurants right now, loves going to the Y drop off center, and enjoys playtime with finn's friends.

he spends most of his time chewing on various objects, crying to be held, or eating. ro loves to eat! he's been branching out and pretty much eats everything but honey. i smash or blend up whatever we're having for dinner - spicy, flavorful foods, meats and sauces and soups - he eats it all. he still eats a lot of pureed veggies for lunch as well as plain and baby yogurt. i've been offering a lot of small bits of food like beans, cheese, bread, frozen fruits, bananas rolled in crumbs, and eggs. he still likes yogurt melts and freeze dried fruit bits, but he is pretty much over puffs and cheerios for the moment.

 

just this weekend (at 9 months and a week or so) he finally cut his first tooth. his poor gums have been swollen and red for weeks. he's been drooly, easily upset, fighting sleep, and pink cheeked, so we've been on tooth watch for what seems like months. the first was his lower right front tooth. the next looks to be the lower left and he's got the upper right front tooth just behind. i imagine by the end of the week all three will be showing. never again will i see him with no teeth! no more gummy baby smiles - which is great since he needs teeth, but sad for me because i just love toothless baby mouths.

we're currently working on sleep. as i've mentioned rowan is not a good sleeper. he struggles to settle himself (as in, he has never settled himself) and does not sleep for long periods - not naps, not at night. i have been increasingly frustrated over this as the lack of sleep affects my days, my mental clarity, my patience...just about everything that keeps me sane and healthy comes from getting sleep. so at our last pedi appointment 4 days ago, she saw how worn out i seem and suggested that i either continue down the path we are on, picking and choosing techniques to try and find something that works for all of us, or we could CIO. i'm going to jot down our experience in another post. it's not for everyone (we did it ever so briefly with finn, too), but neither is feeding a baby every hour an a half all night every night for 9 months, so... i can report that after 3 nights rowan slept straight through the night, 8:30 pm to 7 am without uttering a single cry. i'm hoping that the trend continues and that night wakings become infrequent. we'll all be so much happier!

my baby turns four.

tomorrow finley turns four. as with every milestone, birthday, life change, i wax on about time and childhood, wishing for yesterday (or year) but looking toward the future. but this time, four? i don't want to look forward. i find myself missing his two year old self with his chubby cheeks and endless ringlets. when people say they blinked and everything changed i used to think, how? i mean you're right there, in it, living it. but this blinking and time passes thing is real.

i look at finley now and he is a boy. he is independent and smart and funny. he is no longer this little person that needs me for everything. he doesn't have curls in his hair and he's missing baby chub on his elbows and he just doesn't resemble the little boy i once knew. while i am happy he is all of the things he is now, i just cannot believe we're here. one year until 5?

he begs to snuggle with me these days but it isn't the same. he is bony and big and he hardly has time to sit with me. and honestly, i hardly have time for it either. rowan takes up a lot of my energy and needs a lot from me yet. so i cradle my big boy, and i smell his hair and rub his cheeks with mine and cherish right now. i don't know why i miss him so much when he's right here. it just feels different and i didn't know it would.

 

his play is new. he can imagine on his own and he plays pretend, making up scenarios and using voices and doing all of the things i used to wish he would figure out so i could have a moment to breathe. it is so sweet to watch. i love that he's learning new things so easily, working with new toys and recognizing numbers and letters and really being a part of the world around him. he's just started what will be a love of all things lego (we saw the movie, we bought some sets, we waiting to step on them in the middle of the night!). there's something about those figures and bricks that seem so big to me (perhaps its the choking hazard?).

 

he is a good big brother. rowan is on the move now and it's changed their dynamic already. to share or not to share? i'm excited to watch their brotherhood unfold and to see how finn handles his role. already finn is thoughtful and talks of the future. "this summer i will teach rowan to play baseball!" and the list of things they will do together grows longer each day as he realizes all of the things rowan will learn, just as he did, but ro will have the advantage of a playmate and teacher.

 

these days do not come without their challenges. finn is having difficulty dealing with strong emotions. almost four is better than early three, but he still has fits of anger and presses issues more than he did when he was younger. some of the smallest things set him off and we're still figuring out how to parent and navigate tantrums at this age. he isn't a baby, he has more free will, and we can't predict what he'll react to even though he can tell us what's wrong. 

 

i hate to be overly sappy, knowing that he still has many years of childhood yet to come, but moving past the baby and toddler stage for my first born has been quite an adjustment. it still seems impossible that i could have met this boy four years ago. just four years ago and yet four whole years ago. of course, it's really only me that feels this way. finn is loving life. he enjoys being able to do things for himself, he loves preschool, he likes the freedom that comes with being older. he doesn't seem to miss being a baby or being babied much at all.

we are so lucky. i am so glad to know him and to watch him grow and change. i am sad to miss his babyhood because i know it's gone forever, but i am happy to have it documented on the blog and in my photos. i thought i would remember every little detail. everything was so new and special - how could i forget? but you do. it's so much to bottle up! i can't stop time, but i've learned a lot in these four years about how to treasure it.

baby rowan: 8 months

rowan turned 8 months but i've been so tired i almost forgot to blog it! today we found out he has another double ear infection (his third round in less than three months) so that explains some of his cranky behavior and inability to sleep soundly in the last week or so.

rowan continues to be a "spirited" baby. he seems worse than before but perhaps its just the months of sleep deprivation catching up with me. that's not to say that he is never happy. sometimes he is so excited and so happy that i know in there somewhere he's ok. he loves his brother so much and when he's delighted he lets us know. but more often than not, he is whimpering, whining, or full out screaming. i suppose it feels more frequent than it is because i have plenty of pictures of him smiling and content, but i also rarely take pictures of him angry.

he's eating solids all of the time now and if someone else is eating, he wants in on it. he can use his hands to grasp puffs, yogurt melts, and cheerios, holds mum mums and teething biscuits, and attempts to use a sippy on his own. his favorite food is probably yogurt but he'll eat pretty much anything as long as he isn't already angry. i've still been making the majority of his foods and feeding him plenty of whatever we're having for dinner.

he still nurses around the clock about as many times at night as during the day (every 3 hours on average). my supply seems to be dropping just as it did with finley around this time, when my first post partum period returned and baby becomes easily distracted and frustrated by the need to produce a letdown. still, he seems satisfied. we've been feeding him the last of the tub of formula we bought so it doesn't go to waste and honestly it has eased some of the pressure i have over pumping when my supply is low and i don't have a great freezer stash anymore. at this point i am so worn down that i need to take help where i can, even if it's a bottle of formula every few days.

last night (2/12/14) rowan crawled for the first time. he wouldn't sleep so he was up playing and somehow taught himself to crawl while wearing a sleep sack. this from the baby that hated tummy time and wouldn't even do it a week or so ago, doesn't roll from tummy to back, and has no interest in standing or walking. when he finally did go to sleep, he woke himself up every half hour or so by popping up into crawl mode.  i even found him in his crib sitting up, so i guess he's figured out how to go from laying on his back (how i place him to sleep) to sitting upright in one single night as well.

i'm anxious to see if he might pop a few teeth, get past the new crawler stage, and recover from this set of ear infections to come out on the other side a new, happier baby. i keep thinking there must be something that is bugging him and i'm planning to chat more about it with his pedi at his 9 mo visit. we're doing all we can think of to ease his pain and calm him down and just looking for those moments in between when he's smiling his big, gummy baby smile and loving on us like he can't get enough cuddles and attention.

parenting is such a test.  you know it's real, true love when no matter what you still get up every time, you still go to them again and again after hours of screaming, and you hold them close and kiss their soft baby hairs and fight through the madness with as much love as you can muster (at 2, 3, and 4 am this can be tough). and you do it day after day with no real end in sight (though of course all of this will pass and he will not be a little baby and i will mourn the loss of babyhood all the same).

baby rowan: 7 months

well, he's more than half a year old. closer to one than to fresh newborn. as always, impossible! yet, here we are. sleep deprived to no end and still smitten with this chubby cheeked little guy.

rowan continues to be the complete opposite of finley (compare). he is a giggler, happy and smiley when all is right in his world. he's rounder, he's got straight blonde hair, and he can't sleep for anything. so i'll start with that. he doesn't sleep well, especially at night. he has gotten better at naps and sleeps in his crib during the day for those (or in the car since he tags along with finley's schedule). he naps three times a day and one of those is usually about two hours. at night, he falls asleep after a bedtime routine and nursing and starts in his crib. he wakes all night every night with a shrill, awful cry/scream, desperate for someone to hold him. he nurses 3-4 times between midnight and the morning unless i am so tired that i bring him into bed...then he nurses almost all night.

he hasn't slept longer than a 2-hour stretch for at least a month now. we've tried lots of "sleep solutions". all of the no cry ones i can find, cry it out for various lengths of time, nursing on demand, teething tablets, tylenol, lavender on the feet, hot room/cold room, white noise/music/silence, and even formula. i ebf and rarely even pump, but with our recent illnesses i thought maybe he was just so hungry and my supply wasn't enough so we gave him a few bottles a couple of times. he took them like a champ but it provided no relief in the sleep department. night terrors have been suggested but he isn't confused/unable to wake up and he is easily soothed if he gets what he wants. he is crying out to be held all night and even when held, he shrieks to nurse throughout the night. it's impossible! i haven't had a "good" night of sleep in 10 months. i don't think i've even slept for more than 4 hours at a single time for at least 9 months. i feel like i am going crazy with emotions over why he won't sleep and what it's doing to all of us. someday it HAS to click, right? at some point he WILL sleep. that's all i can hope right now.

otherwise, he's a pretty good baby. he is loving solid foods and wants to eat all of the time, especially when he sees anyone eating. he sits up and scoots around a little, leans forward and back to sitting. one of his favorite games is to throw his body into our comforter and then sit back up over and over. he can roll from back to belly but not the other way around (well, not that he does reliably, anyway). once on his belly he gets up on his hands, but no scooting, army crawl, dragging, etc and when he finds himself in this position he just cries. he can't pull himself up on furniture or toys, so no cruising or crib standing unless i place him there. he's mostly a sedentary child :)

he loves his big brother. he takes great delight when finn plays with him and even a glance in his direction gives rowan the biggest smile. just today they played together and rowan was the happiest i have ever seen him - his big blue eyes totally, happily fixated on the antics of his big brother. i hope their bond grows to be something great. i know it will be something i know nothing about, not really. it's when i think about their brotherhood that i realize (among countless other things) they are their own selves. they will have secrets and memories and stories and shared glances that come from times of which i am not privvy. i know this relationship as a sibling/sister, but i won't know THEIR relationship like they do. and it's already starting right here before my eyes.

even despite the lack of sleep, i am desperate to freeze time. i love this age. i love babies sitting up, giggling, happy to play hand clapping games. rowan just started reaching for me when i come to him and it melts my heart. he's beginning to understand kisses and will lean in, open mouthed, for a peck. he's still a baby, swaddled for naps, cuddly and sweet smelling but he's got a big personality and i just want to soak it up for more time.

baby rowan: 6 months

i don't know how i got here. how he got here. 6 months?! my SECOND child is six months old, halfway to a year? i'm so glad and so fortunate to watch him grow but man, slow.your.roll.

rowan at 6 months is like a whole new world. for one, he sits up. since being upright and facing forward to see everything is his favorite, this allows him to see what's going on and he is much happier. when he is happy, he is such a little ball of sunshine. he is starting to play by himself, holding toys and babbling and he really enjoys the jumperoo. everything he touches goes into his mouth and his chewing and drooling leads me to believe he might be teething, but no real signs of anything coming through yet.

we started solid foods and he seems to be getting the hang of it pretty quick. his first food was sweet potato and he's since had apple/pear/cinnamon sauce, avocado, peas, and banana. the only thing he pretty much refused was banana (?). i made all of finn's food and i'll do the same for rowan because i enjoy it. last time i was very strict about introducing foods one at a time but i've already mixed foods and overlapped new foods on a single day. on his third day of trying food he ate the sweet potato dish from thanksgiving (a puree with orange, sweet potato, spices and probably butter) like he'd been downing adult food his whole life.

sleep has been good and bad. naps have greatly improved and he now sleeps 1-2 hours at a time at least once a day and it starting to get a schedule of day time sleep. unfortunately, his night time is consistent...in that he wakes up every night at least 4 times. he goes to bed at about 8:45 and sleeps for about 3 hours. that's his long stretch. he's up every 1.5-2 hours until morning and he nurses every time. i guess the best thing about that is that he goes back to sleep each time and stays asleep. still, finley slept ALL night and i am not used to being this tired. (so. tired.) he's crying a lot less now, though, and i think better naps has helped his overall mood.

at his 6 month well baby we found out he has a double ear infection. i'm not surprised since i've been very sick for over three weeks and passed the cold portion of it over to him. i went in to make sure he was fine, got the all clear/viral, and 2 weeks later - ear infections! he was pretty miserable for a few days with sad, tired eyes and i felt so bad! we also got his stats. 17lb 2oz, 27" which is the same height as finn at this age but two pounds heavier! and as you can see they look almost nothing alike so while brothers, i imagine they will be very different boys.

baby rowan: 5 months

little tiny mr. baby is now 5 months (and some change). cue the dramatics because we're just a few weeks away from 6 months. half a year. how?? little baby is growing and changing and it really is so fun to watch all over again. i don't have any stats since we didn't visit the pedi this month, but he certainly looks older than last month to me. he's wearing 3-6, 6, and 9 month clothing comfortably but since we're trying to use finn's old stuff, he's been wearing lots of too big 6-12 month sleepers since finn wasn't that big until winter and closer to 9/10 months.

activity wise, ro is not a big mover. he does not roll either way and rarely participates in tummy time for any amount of time. he can hold his toes, kick and swat at toys and he easily spots, reaches for and often grabs objects he desires. he is just starting to sit up unassisted but can't be unattended as he easily topples. mostly, he is content being held and does enjoy bouncing in his jumperoo and occasionally playing on his play mat. he's pretty much over the swing and bouncer and so far hates the bumbo. 

he's super cute and it's a good thing because he could not be worse at sleeping. while he has gotten slightly better at napping some days (sometimes he will sleep 1-2 hours consecutively and i am SO thankful), he is unable to sleep for very long at night. he has a bed time routine and is usually nursing before sleep around 8:45pm. this is his long stretch of sleep...until midnight. then he is up every 1.5-2 hours all night. i feed him between 4 and 5 times a night every night because not much else calms him or puts him back to sleep. we have tried soothing, patting, rocking, pacifiers. he gets mad if my husband offers him a bottle (though he will eventually take one). occasionally we are all so tired we let him cry. and he just...cries. so, we are tired. his night time sleep is actually worse now than it was 2 months ago.

as for the breastfeeding, he's still doing well at that. unlike finn, rowan is a comfort nurser. if he had his way, he would nurse every hour. i know that works for some people but it doesn't work for me. this leads him to be sort of fussy quite frequently because i deny him what he wants. we're starting solids at 6 months just as we did with finn and i am hoping that other forms of food might interest him enough to let go of the strong desire to nurse. he is really into meal times and reaches for food so i think he'll be excited to try some purees.

and then there's this one, who looks about thirteen here. i know when he's actually thirteen i will look at photos from this age and think he looks so little, like a baby still, but he just seems SO grown up to me.

his only childhood

i know i have mentioned here that 3 is a hard age. parenting is difficult. i feel like it's a constant battle and it hasn't gotten easier the closer he gets to 4.

he is a sweet boy and we've changed his life pretty drastically this year (new baby, new house, new neighborhood, school), so some outburts are to be expected. but the kid is down right naughty at times (um, most times..?) and i find it impossible to keep my cool. i'm a "no" mom. i wish i were a "yes" mom but i freak out over messes and spills and toys everywhere and loud noises. it's not like i expect a speak only when spoken to, hang out in your room childhood. but i do require that he sit at the table for his meals, knees under the table facing forward with minimal spilling and use of utensils. i expect him to clean up his toys every day and to only have 1 or 2 types of toys out at any one time. i don't like it when he uses the furniture as a jungle gym, i don't like slamming toys into walls, i don't like anything being thrown in the house. so, i find myself saying no a lot. lots of warnings, lots of time outs (not just for these things, of course. sometimes he hits or screams or worse.), lots of me saying "finley, did you hear me? are you listening?". enough freedom? i don't know.

for as much as i say no, i say yes to things others might not. i allow him to go outside alone in our fenced back yard. i don't make him hold my hand everywhere. he gets in and out of the car on his own, even on the street. in writing that out, maybe i just let him live dangerously when outside of the house?! but really, even inside he is free to be on his own. i have always showered while he is awake, wandering the house. he can play wherever he wants, he just can't DO whatever he wants.

my point? i'm trying to find ways to say yes or relax a bit more because this is his ONE childhood. have i said that here before? my husband said it once and it is still resonating with me today. i'm going to make a graphic print of it and hang it so i can be reminded. this is his one childhood. he doesn't get another and i do want to make it as good as it can be. that doesn't mean every outing, ice cream all day, stay up and play as you please. i wish it could! no, i do want to teach him to be a productive, respectful member of society. a well behaved young man. a good eater, a hard worker, a funny person. but i also want him to be 3. to be 4 and 5 and so on and to be free to be a child. i don't want to spend every day telling him what he cannot do. what he has to do before he can do any of the things he loves to do. finding that balance has been on my mind every day lately. how can i help him have fun? how can i play as much as he wants without going crazy myself. how can i dote on a baby and a preschooler? how can i make his only childhood a great one? work in progress, i guess.