well, we were instantly derailed from our plans. finn got sick for the first time last week monday with a stomach virus. hours of crying, lots of night wakings, vomiting and diarrhea...it was no place to try and force sleep on a sad baby. after a visit to the pediatrician, i knew nothing was seriously wrong, but it sucks to be sick. i tried to cuddle my boy, rub his back, and feed him whenever he would eat to decrease the risk of dehydration. i did not stick to a feeding/napping schedule.
by thursday he was feeling a bit better and while we maintained our routine during the illness, the weekend brought back plans for shushing and decreasing feeds overnight. on both saturday and sunday nights he awoke only once in the middle of the night (4 am and 2 am, respectively) and slept until a proper morning hour (7 am and 8 am). i fed him both nights and put him back down very groggy (possibly asleep). not exactly within the plan to go down awake, but i struggle with how to do that.
our biggest problem is that finley is not a self-soother. i may have created this monster, but he will not find his hands, use sight/sound, or roll/change positions. i have tried to leave him fuss a bit (day and night), but he never calms without me. up until this point i have felt that he is too young to cry it out. we are reaching the solid food, cry and soothe yourself period and i'm anxious to see what works for us. for now, he will not tolerate being ignored and rarely plays by himself or goes to sleep alone anymore. a small cry escalates into a full blown sobbing fit if not tended to swiftly.
we'll see where the upcoming weeks take us.
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5 comments:
Keep up the good work. I know it is hard to hear them cry. It is all I can do to ignore it. However, as many friends and the pedi have encouraged, if he is fed, changed and not ill, then letting him cry is okay. I hated it when we first started but now, if we have to go into his room at all it's just once to give him a paci back. Otherwise, he is out and puts himself to sleep. Hang in there and keep trying!
I have never prescribed to CIO either. I have to say Finley sounds a ton like Eli...no self-soothing methods, didn't like to play alone. Don't worry - this will change, he will grow out of it:) You're not spoiling him if you attend to him, when he's ready the lightbulb will just click for him.
Now Eli plays independently just fine, and falls alseep with no trouble (just a little nursing and when he seems done I lay him down and he rolls over to the bug position), wakes up in the night maybe 1 or 2 times per week.
All of this positive change has come with absolutly no effort on my part between 8 and 12 months. I just followed his cues, and did what seemed best at the time, sure there were baby steps like for a while I had to lay next to the crib after laying him down and now I can just walk out. If he whines I say 'go nigh-nigh' and he flops down. I can't even pinpoint the evolution points now the change has been so gradual.
Have faith it will happen when he's ready:)
ahhh man, this is so hard! but it sounds like you're on the right track.
tonight we put parker down swaddled but awake and drowsy & he started really crying after about 5 minutes of laying there quietly. i went in & tried to soothe him by patting his belly & shushing him but it got worse. i picked him up (which i was trying to avoid), he quieted down, then i put him back down still awake. he fell asleep in like two seconds.
i'm not sure any book has the exact right answer... and if my little boy just wants one more hug before he falls asleep, i'm gonna give it to him!
not sure what the point of this story was, except that i think you gotta use mother's intuition & do what's best for your baby. good luck!
Right there with you! We're to the point with Noah that we need to encourage self-soothing but he's just not into it (and it doesnt help that his momma isn't either:) ). Even the doc told us yesterday that we have to stop letting him fall asleep on us and let him cry it out some - otherwise we'll have a 3 year old that needs rocked to sleep.
So, last night I let him fuss it out and felt horrible about it. He just had his shots, is getting over a cold, teething and just generally not a happy baby and here I am letting him fuss...but...it worked:) I never let him get hysterical - I'd grab him if that happened but if he was just fussing I'd go in periodically and rub his belly or touch his face to let him know I was there but left him in the crib. It took about 30 min for him to finally calm down and zonk out but once he was out he was done. He slept clear thru until 7:45am today (the longest he's slept so far)
So, I have no idea where i'm going with this but to say, Amy had it right - there's no one book that has the answers. You need to try things and figure out what works for you and Finley. Half the authors that I've read would be scolding me for going in and touching him but it works for us so whatever:)
Now, let's see if we can work it again tonight! Hang in there - it's tough to hear them upset (especially when paired with huge quivering lips and tears) but in the end it's best for them to figure it out. To this day my hubs has a terrible time falling asleep - takes him an our at least, me? I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I know it has something to do with how we were taught to soothe at such a young age. So I'm hoping to lay the foundation with Noah.
Thinking about you and hoping your little guy cooperates:)
thanks to everyone for the wonderful feedback! sleep must be on everyone's minds!
we have his 6 mo well baby tomorrow morning and i'll be checking in about sleep. i'm going to check out both the no cry sleep solution and dr. ferber's book. i know, two opposites, but i'd like a well rounded grasp on the ways to sleep train.
finn certainly cries out for attention now, because when we get to his room he stops fussing and begins smiling and batting his arms. he just wants us with him while he falls asleep and i have such mixed feelings about that! my heart wants to stay, to love, to cuddle and coddle. my head and often my tired eyes want to allow him to learn to self-soothe.
decisions in due time :)
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