his only childhood

i know i have mentioned here that 3 is a hard age. parenting is difficult. i feel like it's a constant battle and it hasn't gotten easier the closer he gets to 4.

he is a sweet boy and we've changed his life pretty drastically this year (new baby, new house, new neighborhood, school), so some outburts are to be expected. but the kid is down right naughty at times (um, most times..?) and i find it impossible to keep my cool. i'm a "no" mom. i wish i were a "yes" mom but i freak out over messes and spills and toys everywhere and loud noises. it's not like i expect a speak only when spoken to, hang out in your room childhood. but i do require that he sit at the table for his meals, knees under the table facing forward with minimal spilling and use of utensils. i expect him to clean up his toys every day and to only have 1 or 2 types of toys out at any one time. i don't like it when he uses the furniture as a jungle gym, i don't like slamming toys into walls, i don't like anything being thrown in the house. so, i find myself saying no a lot. lots of warnings, lots of time outs (not just for these things, of course. sometimes he hits or screams or worse.), lots of me saying "finley, did you hear me? are you listening?". enough freedom? i don't know.

for as much as i say no, i say yes to things others might not. i allow him to go outside alone in our fenced back yard. i don't make him hold my hand everywhere. he gets in and out of the car on his own, even on the street. in writing that out, maybe i just let him live dangerously when outside of the house?! but really, even inside he is free to be on his own. i have always showered while he is awake, wandering the house. he can play wherever he wants, he just can't DO whatever he wants.

my point? i'm trying to find ways to say yes or relax a bit more because this is his ONE childhood. have i said that here before? my husband said it once and it is still resonating with me today. i'm going to make a graphic print of it and hang it so i can be reminded. this is his one childhood. he doesn't get another and i do want to make it as good as it can be. that doesn't mean every outing, ice cream all day, stay up and play as you please. i wish it could! no, i do want to teach him to be a productive, respectful member of society. a well behaved young man. a good eater, a hard worker, a funny person. but i also want him to be 3. to be 4 and 5 and so on and to be free to be a child. i don't want to spend every day telling him what he cannot do. what he has to do before he can do any of the things he loves to do. finding that balance has been on my mind every day lately. how can i help him have fun? how can i play as much as he wants without going crazy myself. how can i dote on a baby and a preschooler? how can i make his only childhood a great one? work in progress, i guess.