10 months

while he's now ten and a half months, i'm just getting around to this update.

finley is getting to be such a big boy. i can see he's grown longer, but possibly more important, he's gotten some baby chub. some babies might be losing baby fat at this point, what with all the extra moving around, but peanut is just starting to really fill out. (you can tell he's grown because that onesie is the same one i've been using since around 3 months - look how short the arms are!) he nurses three times a day and gets a formula bottle once a day. solid food (finger and purees) three times a day and snacks on the go. he loves to eat.

he has five teeth, two bottom and three on top. so cute, but also shocking that my child will never again have that gummy smile. my stomach gets a little knotted when i think like that...i mean, did i look at his toothless grin enough? enjoy it? memorize it? because it's gone now, forever. i know there's so much to look forward to, but i'm straddling the baby/toddler line and it's a big, slightly painful leap across.

finn crawls like a maniac. he can get to something faster than i can predict where he might go. he loves to chase and be chased and has just learned to play with the dogs. he is pulling up on flat surfaces now and can cruise the furniture fairly easily. he loves to walk holding hands but hasn't dared take a step on his own. he learned to wave hi/bye and says "hi". he says "mmmm" for more (food). he's really babbling with all sorts of bababa, dadada sounds but nothing concrete as far as word formations go.

he started going to baby care at the Y while i work out. it's great because we get 2 hours of care everyday and i get some sanity - some time to myself, for myself. he loves playing with other babies and children and while he's super clingy with me at home (all day whine fest, pulling, pinching to get up) he doesn't mind being without me there. i've watched him play for a bit and it's so sweet. he rarely plays here at home with me around because he seems obsessed with climbing all over me and chewing on/tearing off my face. as soon as he spots me at the Y, though, he reverts back to his ways and melts down until i pick him up. he still isn't shy to go to others and gladly lets the caregivers and friends/family hold him.

he's in his 11th month now. 1.5 months until ONE. please, someone hold me. and pass me some champagne.

catching up pt.2: christmas pictures

i took lots of christmas pictures. portraits at home, shots of finn's actual first christmas at my parents', and more at mr. h3b's parents'. more than i can share here, for sure. but here's a few to get closer to catching up to 2011, 10 months, etc.

finn had so much fun opening presents. he didn't last very long and for me, it was quite different shifting the focus from grown children (us) to a baby. but it was still so great to watch him tear open the wrapping paper only to see that instead of playing with new toys, he tried to eat the packaging.

you can click these to see bigger versions :)

obviously he was thrilled about the new pjs ;) but he looked so cute and did eventually play with the new toys. he's quite the ham posing for pictures!

and at mr. h3b's he got to open more presents, used a makeshift high chair (phone books and a dish rag!), and went snowshoeing. he was such a good boy, even though he got sick and had two more teeth pop through.

i'm so glad to have been able to celebrate christmas with our families. having a baby to re-energize the spirit and fun made everything even more special. and now my baby's first christmas has come and gone and i'm close to finishing up my 2010 posts. and closer to starting first birthday posts, which is just about the craziest thing i can imagine.

then there was xmas

so many pictures, so much fun, so many great memories from this holiday season, the first for finley. we had three trees, one in his nursery, and he did surprisingly well. he never tried to pull it down and we managed to keep him from removing/eating/breaking any ornaments.

lots of traveling for the boy and lots of great presents to haul back home. it was so special to see him in his christmas pjs, opening gifts, going to christmas eve music service, and celebrating with the family.

i was sad to take down the trees this year because the new year means i am so close to his birthday. sad that his first christmas is already over. but i am excited for what's to come. he's changing everyday and becoming hilarious. he's also quite the show stealer when it comes to have his picture taken. little baby model :)

catching up pt. 1: photo essay

it's 2011. my baby turned 10 months. he had his first thanksgiving, christmas, and new years. and i haven't blogged a bit of it. so i'm starting today the easy way. with a bunch of photos from the past month (before he was 10 months) that are not specific to holidays. here goes!

playing in late november. proof of peanutcy: those pants are the same that he wore (albeit loosely) as a newborn...they are 0-3. the shirt is a snapfront 0-3. i had to retire them in december for length, but the boy was tiny!

playing in his cousin's wooden kitchen (this was during our christmas photo shoot). something tells me he'll want his own wooden kitchen a year from now. waffles, anyone?

he got pretty sick when we returned home from thanksgiving. first bad cold and stuffy nose. this resulted in 3 teeth in a week, so i stayed up with him many nights while he fought sleep and whined in pain. still adorable, pink cheeked and runny nosed.

he finally started to feel better. then he turned into a little boy. seriously, my baby looks so toddler these days and i'm not sure, but i think i'm watching his face change little by little right this very moment.

yep. he's older already.

at some point he decided safety was a non-issue. i've saved him from nose diving off couches, chairs, and beds. i try to keep him on the floor now. where he falls and splits his lip open and smashes into objects in his crawling path. i was never one to say, oh, boys are tough from the get-go. but yes, yes they are.

so. he has 5 teeth now. he can crawl faster than i can. he eats egg yolk omelets (and other big kid foods). he waves hi and bye and says "aiiii" for hi at lots of people. he stands with ease, cruises too fast, and walks around the house while holding hands like nobody's business. he's got a ton of new toys and the attention span of a gnat. he's my (still tiny) peanut boy. adorable and full of spitfire.

first snow

there are so many firsts right now. i mean, everything is a first for him. everyday something is brand new. while we traveled back to minnesota, finn expereinced his first thanksgiving, his first snow, his first christmas tree (cutting from the farm and all), and his first official week of crawling.

he was pretty into the snow. very curious and didn't seem the slightest bit cold. i only had him out for a few minutes dressed like this and he sat on the ground for only a few shots. if he enjoyed shoes or mittens, he might have been able to play outside for longer...

he is such a big boy now. look at him in that chair! loves to put his arm on the arm rest of furniture like that :) sure, he's little still. but he has three teeth (and a fourth on the way). he had his first real cold and he's just now getting over that + teething. he moves for real. he runs in his walker, he crawls so fast i can't keep up, and he's into everything. it is so fun to watch him think things through. he learned to go from crawling to sitting yesterday and it's adorable. he eats so much food with his own hands now. he plays with the dogs and they are warming to the idea of baby as playmate vs baby as hair puller.

he so great and while things are tough, still, i am trying to focus on each little thing that passes us by as a first. i appreciate the comments on my last post and feel so much better about my decision now. i continue to struggle with supply but he still nurses 4 times a day and we still only do one bottle of formula. i'm not sure for how long anything will last, but he's so great it doesn't matter.

9 months!

my once teeny, tiny newborn is now 9 months...and not a newborn, not teeny tiny anymore! he has become such a little man! he is full on crawling everywhere now, can pull to stand on anything, got his first tooth (officially showing today), seems to say a variation of "mama" to/at me and "mo" (more, which is what we say at mealtime), feeds himself puffs, cheese, and small foods using his hands, and is in a constant state of happy-sad-happy-sad.

his 9 month appointment was overall good - he is healthy and developmentally on track. our only problem is his size. he's almost 29 inches long and has a big noggin, but he's still pretty small at only 17 pounds. while this isn't too concerning, he continues to drop on the charts and is now in the fifth percentile. i wouldn't worry about growth charts in general but rather than just being small, he drops below a curve at each visit rather than following one. in 3 months he gained less than 2 lbs.

to add insult to injury, my supply has drastically decreased to the point of struggle and fristration on both our parts. finn is a lazy nurser who never took to sucking for comfort - if there's no food freely flowing, he's done. he doesn't take fondly to being forced, so our nursing sessions (4-5 a day) keep getting shorter as i have less and less milk. i've been pumping to try and increase (in addition to fenugreek and mother's milk tea), but i went from getting 5 ounces each time, to 3 ounces...to now just barely an ounce. because of this low supply, finn's pedi is concerned that he may only be getting 12 ounces a day or less and he should be near 16 to 18 oz. i don't have a freezer stash, so she strongly advised supplementing with formula.

i struggled for a few hours after hearing that and was almost in tears over what i see as failure on my part to provide enough food to keep my child at a healthy weight. but i know what's best for him is separate from my emotions and i decided to start earth's best organic formula. right now he gets a bottle of 3-4 ounces one time a day. i will still breastfeed, if i can, until at least a year. but if i don't have enough milk and can't switch to cow's milk, then i will continue to supplement. i feel like a burden has been lifted because i can feed him formula if i can't pump milk. i also feel horrible because i can't pump any milk. i know formula isn't bad, but i wanted to ebf for a year. it was a goal that i couldn't reach and it's hard to come to terms with it.

i try to tell myself that some babies self wean at this age. i had my first post partum period (18 months without) which could affect my supply. i was sick twice in the fall. finn refuses to nurse sometimes and he pushes away when my let down doesn't happen within the first minute or two. so many factors that are working to end this chapter of our lives. he won't nurse forever and i don't want him to, of course. but i'm not ready to be done and i'm not sure what the next week will be like, let alone the next three months.

so, there's that. but, he loves the formula (way to kick me when i'm down!) and we are ok. i have to focus on the good things and not worry about his weight as if it's a direct reflection of my abilities as a mother. because otherwise, we're doing good. i haven't set him in the yard with a for sale sign despite his incessant whining/crying and he rewards me for keeping him by giving me "kisses", laughing at the silliest things, and becoming an individual person with wants and needs beyond survival mode. and maybe formula will be a blessing disguise in some way. we'll see.

crawling and standing

my baby boy is now crawling. officially. for a few weeks (less than two, i guess) he was doing an army crawl where his little arms would drag the rest of his body along the wood floor and he'd only do it for something really enticing. i knew crawling was near, though, because he'd be up on his hands and knees just rocking, looking longingly at things just out of his reach.

then one day he got up on all fours - hands and feet. he started pushing himself up like that and suddenly felt more confident. after that, crawling was easy. he just started to move his hands forward and shuffled his little knees to catch up. at first he only crawled to something specific, like if i held out a remote or a pen. but in a day or so he figured out that he can crawl anywhere and grab anything and that's where we're at now :)

he crawls fast and while it still looks a little clumsy, he gets where he needs to go. i cannot leave him to play on a blanket anymore. he is starting to realize that when i leave the room he can either crawl toward me or somewhere else entirely and get into something new.

pair this crawling skill with his ability to pull up on almost anything and we're in big trouble. he now stands in his crib and we find him that way after naps and in the morning. he has gone from a baby stuck on his back to a crawling stander in a month and a half! he pulls up on people, furniture, and toys. i found him standing on his bumbo the other day and less than five minutes after that he had pulled a recently out of reach plant over (not onto himself). let the real baby proofing begin!

see those little eyes there? those are the ones that say "i'm going to crawl right off this bed. gravity schmavity."

and even though i have no idea how to manage a crawler, i love to watch him do it. his little butt wiggles and his exaggerated arm movements are adorable. i know he'll be an expert in no time and these early days of tipping over and getting stuck will be memories all too soon. and you know what else? my little baby is 9 months old today! that's another post (he has a well baby on monday), but today is the day.