this face, terrible? i know it seems impossible but three is so far less rewarding than the years prior. with age comes the desire for independence and autonomy, but much to his dismay, i seem to squash his every free whim.
two was hard, yes. one was also hard. it's all hard. but my patience for three is really thin. his outbursts and disappointments with daily life begin at waking and last until into bedtime. some days he'd prefer to not take his soaked nighttime diaper off in the morning. the battle of wills over this is worth me fighting because his PJs are likely wet and he's day time potty trained, so no more diapers. his insane screams at 7:15am and kicking legs falling over the edge of the changing station? so not the way i want to start my day. does he want puffins and milk? yes. NO! but yes, too. can he watch the same episode of fireman sam three times in a row? when i say no and suggest an alternative it's a meltdown of epic proportion, similar to if he were being burned over coals. this goes on through the day. eating, getting dressed, using the potty. anything he doesn't want to do, he bolts and hides or cries when "forced". the things he wants? "please? but i want to! please! please mommy!" i'm saying no because i mean no, so yeah, NO. it's impossible to decide what's worth fighting, what isn't a big deal, when to ignore, and when to engage.
we've been trying to see if timeouts work better than removing items or activities or vice versa. when we do our 123 magic system, we get to 3 and head for time out. he goes limp, starts sobbing/screaming, and pleads "but i want to be good!". (yeah, i wanted that, too. remember when i warned you at 1 and 2?) when he treats his things poorly we take them away, putting them up for later when he can try again to treat them nicely. when we're out and time outs don't work (he doesn't sit still in a one place, our timeouts at home result in time spent in his room with the door closed but with access to his things), we take activites he enjoys away from him. i hate this. "bad" behavior/poor decision making on his part leads to no afternoon movie or no story time before heading to bed. it feels awful to take these things and i don't even know if it works.
i find myself being very short with him and unable to figure out how to cut him some three year old slack. when he isn't being a terror, he is super cute and lovely. but even then, he is inquisitive and demanding of my time. i am 27 weeks pregnant. i just don't have it in me to answer every why? and what?, color or play exactly this way or that, and watch over every minute detail of his day. that whole "cherish this time, it will pass so quickly" is true but it's impossible to do all day, every day. i'm trying to find it in me. to remind myself that he wants me now, even though he might not need me in the way he did when he was younger, and that's important. i just wish we could both enjoy him being three a little bit more.
i talked to my girlfriends today about wanting to miss finn. being at home with him almost 100% of the time means i have no chance to really feel a longing for him. i experience his hourly tantrums and i don't get time off. of course, i am lucky to see him all of the time and to help shape his life (by his current account, "crushing his dreams"). but that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" stuff has an appeal. and i'm not talking about a trip to target for errands. that helps, but an hour of picking up toilet paper rolls, kid toothpaste, and other random household goods does not make me miss finn much. i don't know what works, but i feel like i need some away time to remember how wonderful he is and maybe forget just a tiny bit of all of the current drama he exudes. people don't call and tell you what a terror your kid is while you are away. they point out the cute things and gloss over everything else and then you remember all of those good things, want to experience them first-hand again, and await the reunion with excitement. with another baby on the way, i don't see this away time happening all that soon, but a mom can dream, right? in the mean time, i'll stick to figuring out what i can do to ease the pressures of being three (for me and for finn).
3 comments:
Terrible 2's, troublesome 3's - only one tells you that until you have the kid:) Threes are so tricky. Just yesterday Noah ended up in time out a mere 2 min after he got out of bed and that set the tone for the rest of the morning - screaming.
I've found that giving him responsibility helps with some of the mood swings. He just wants to do things on his own and be a "big kid". So he has chores now - putting the silverware away, helping to clear the table, picking up his toys, and using the floor mop to help daddy mop up the doggie footprints. It doesn't always work but most of the time it does. He feels like he's helping and he's out of my hair for a bit:)
As for needing to miss him, yes - I think that's important. I'm a working mom so I have my workday to focus on something other than them and makes me really appreciate the evenings and weekends we have together (it also gives me a break from a tantrum filled day - soooo important). A weekend away will do both of you some good (and I don't think you have to go far..a hotel room in a nice part of town for two nights would be refreshing). However, it may be worth looking into a moms day out program or something with a regular schedule that will give you two some time apart - even if it's just a few hours a day a few days a week. Most of my SAHM friends swear by it:) You just need the break - especially at this age.
I really love reading your updates. I came across your blog from when you designed Finley's nursery (so cute!). I have a 2 1/2 year old son so I know what you're going through. Having a little time apart is crucial for me. I am sure you have thought of this, but maybe a part-time preschool/daycare would be helpful? Co-op preschools are also an affordable option, though more of a time commitment.
Congratulations on baby #2!
thanks, ladies! so glad i'm not alone here!!
finn will start preschool in the fall for 3 half days a week and i'm sure that will help. i do drop him off at the Y for some alone time but i think an extended period of time (which obviously means about 2 days for us moms) might do me some good.
chores are also a great suggestions. he is pretty helpful and interested in household tasks. i need to remember that i don't NEED to get them all done quickly and that it might help to allow him to join in even if it makes things harder.
Post a Comment