first snow

there are so many firsts right now. i mean, everything is a first for him. everyday something is brand new. while we traveled back to minnesota, finn expereinced his first thanksgiving, his first snow, his first christmas tree (cutting from the farm and all), and his first official week of crawling.

he was pretty into the snow. very curious and didn't seem the slightest bit cold. i only had him out for a few minutes dressed like this and he sat on the ground for only a few shots. if he enjoyed shoes or mittens, he might have been able to play outside for longer...

he is such a big boy now. look at him in that chair! loves to put his arm on the arm rest of furniture like that :) sure, he's little still. but he has three teeth (and a fourth on the way). he had his first real cold and he's just now getting over that + teething. he moves for real. he runs in his walker, he crawls so fast i can't keep up, and he's into everything. it is so fun to watch him think things through. he learned to go from crawling to sitting yesterday and it's adorable. he eats so much food with his own hands now. he plays with the dogs and they are warming to the idea of baby as playmate vs baby as hair puller.

he so great and while things are tough, still, i am trying to focus on each little thing that passes us by as a first. i appreciate the comments on my last post and feel so much better about my decision now. i continue to struggle with supply but he still nurses 4 times a day and we still only do one bottle of formula. i'm not sure for how long anything will last, but he's so great it doesn't matter.

9 months!

my once teeny, tiny newborn is now 9 months...and not a newborn, not teeny tiny anymore! he has become such a little man! he is full on crawling everywhere now, can pull to stand on anything, got his first tooth (officially showing today), seems to say a variation of "mama" to/at me and "mo" (more, which is what we say at mealtime), feeds himself puffs, cheese, and small foods using his hands, and is in a constant state of happy-sad-happy-sad.

his 9 month appointment was overall good - he is healthy and developmentally on track. our only problem is his size. he's almost 29 inches long and has a big noggin, but he's still pretty small at only 17 pounds. while this isn't too concerning, he continues to drop on the charts and is now in the fifth percentile. i wouldn't worry about growth charts in general but rather than just being small, he drops below a curve at each visit rather than following one. in 3 months he gained less than 2 lbs.

to add insult to injury, my supply has drastically decreased to the point of struggle and fristration on both our parts. finn is a lazy nurser who never took to sucking for comfort - if there's no food freely flowing, he's done. he doesn't take fondly to being forced, so our nursing sessions (4-5 a day) keep getting shorter as i have less and less milk. i've been pumping to try and increase (in addition to fenugreek and mother's milk tea), but i went from getting 5 ounces each time, to 3 ounces...to now just barely an ounce. because of this low supply, finn's pedi is concerned that he may only be getting 12 ounces a day or less and he should be near 16 to 18 oz. i don't have a freezer stash, so she strongly advised supplementing with formula.

i struggled for a few hours after hearing that and was almost in tears over what i see as failure on my part to provide enough food to keep my child at a healthy weight. but i know what's best for him is separate from my emotions and i decided to start earth's best organic formula. right now he gets a bottle of 3-4 ounces one time a day. i will still breastfeed, if i can, until at least a year. but if i don't have enough milk and can't switch to cow's milk, then i will continue to supplement. i feel like a burden has been lifted because i can feed him formula if i can't pump milk. i also feel horrible because i can't pump any milk. i know formula isn't bad, but i wanted to ebf for a year. it was a goal that i couldn't reach and it's hard to come to terms with it.

i try to tell myself that some babies self wean at this age. i had my first post partum period (18 months without) which could affect my supply. i was sick twice in the fall. finn refuses to nurse sometimes and he pushes away when my let down doesn't happen within the first minute or two. so many factors that are working to end this chapter of our lives. he won't nurse forever and i don't want him to, of course. but i'm not ready to be done and i'm not sure what the next week will be like, let alone the next three months.

so, there's that. but, he loves the formula (way to kick me when i'm down!) and we are ok. i have to focus on the good things and not worry about his weight as if it's a direct reflection of my abilities as a mother. because otherwise, we're doing good. i haven't set him in the yard with a for sale sign despite his incessant whining/crying and he rewards me for keeping him by giving me "kisses", laughing at the silliest things, and becoming an individual person with wants and needs beyond survival mode. and maybe formula will be a blessing disguise in some way. we'll see.

crawling and standing

my baby boy is now crawling. officially. for a few weeks (less than two, i guess) he was doing an army crawl where his little arms would drag the rest of his body along the wood floor and he'd only do it for something really enticing. i knew crawling was near, though, because he'd be up on his hands and knees just rocking, looking longingly at things just out of his reach.

then one day he got up on all fours - hands and feet. he started pushing himself up like that and suddenly felt more confident. after that, crawling was easy. he just started to move his hands forward and shuffled his little knees to catch up. at first he only crawled to something specific, like if i held out a remote or a pen. but in a day or so he figured out that he can crawl anywhere and grab anything and that's where we're at now :)

he crawls fast and while it still looks a little clumsy, he gets where he needs to go. i cannot leave him to play on a blanket anymore. he is starting to realize that when i leave the room he can either crawl toward me or somewhere else entirely and get into something new.

pair this crawling skill with his ability to pull up on almost anything and we're in big trouble. he now stands in his crib and we find him that way after naps and in the morning. he has gone from a baby stuck on his back to a crawling stander in a month and a half! he pulls up on people, furniture, and toys. i found him standing on his bumbo the other day and less than five minutes after that he had pulled a recently out of reach plant over (not onto himself). let the real baby proofing begin!

see those little eyes there? those are the ones that say "i'm going to crawl right off this bed. gravity schmavity."

and even though i have no idea how to manage a crawler, i love to watch him do it. his little butt wiggles and his exaggerated arm movements are adorable. i know he'll be an expert in no time and these early days of tipping over and getting stuck will be memories all too soon. and you know what else? my little baby is 9 months old today! that's another post (he has a well baby on monday), but today is the day.

pittsburgh pictures

while finn was in pittsburgh he was, of course, adorable. i can prove it ;)

he went to his first football game and got to stunt with the cheer team. i used to coach some of these girls, so we had to get a shot of finley with them!

he really enjoyed the game and everyone loved his little bear suit.

he dressed in authentic clothing and went to banghra in the burgh. he loved the performances and squealed for most of the show. he wore ear protection because it was so loud and he didn't try to tug at the wax and didn't seem bothered except when i had to press firmly to his ear.

while we visited with the adults, he played with his friends at sunday brunch ;) while he looks dramatic here, he really likes playing with children. he's not so into movies yet, but i guess the trance look is yet to come.

and like a big boy, he learned to take a bath in a big tub. we continued this when we came home and he has a blast at bath time. he's so active, splashing and squealing, but he doesn't understand keeping his face out of the water yet. mr. h3b bathes him and every night i hear splash splash, flop, sputter, cough, cry...mr. h3b is constantly picking him back up, patting his back and trying to keep him from swimming face first.

he was such a good traveler, both there and back. we drive so it takes about 7 hours. to do so, we leave at night and mr. h3b does most of the work. it helps to keep finn on a sleep schedule and i pump in the car to feed him a bottle. we've got this down and it's the easiest we've found to drive in a small car, with two dogs, a baby, two parents, and all kinds of gear (flying is usually not an option with all of the stuff and living beings we take). i'm hoping the travel by car and the experiences finn has (like cold football games, cultural performances, and time with good friends) helps to keep him well adjusted. sometimes i wonder if staying at home with me all day makes him bored, so i'm happy to take him places and keep showing him new things.

we're not gone!

well, we were :) we took a trip to pittsburgh and thus, blogging came to a halt. we're back home now but i'm sick. i'm hoping finn doesn't get it because it's pretty bad and i would hate to see him this sick!

he enjoyed lots of fun things while on vacation to visit friends...his first college football game (spent some time with the cheerleaders), a visit to primantis (again!), met a baby bulldog, and had a big boy bath (he did eat some water...).

i'll be back soon to provide more pictures and some recap from the last week or so (things have gotten even more exciting around here!).

first halloween

yep, he was a chubby little pumpkin boy. he didn't seem to mind his costume at all and while we didn't go anywhere special or do any trick or treating, i managed to get his costume on him for pictures and to go out and about three times over the weekend.

his new thing is "dancing" which is jumping wildy while squealing with delight. in pictures:

8 months

 

 

i'm about a week behind and have some cute pictures to share (it's finley's first halloween, so you know i've documented it), but first....he is 8 MONTHS (as of last tuesday). i can't even go into it, detailing months down, months to go until 1. he is so far from newborn right now and i know the gap is only going to get bigger. but lucky for me, life continues to stay exiting.

he continues to rock on his hands and knees but gets frustrated before he'll attempt any crawling motions. he scoots backwards across the wood floor and i can't trust him on beds or the couch. he rarely rolls from belly to back; he can, he just won't. he seems more interested in standing and walking. he pulls up onto everything and tried (just once) cruising from once piece of furniture to another. he wants to move!

he's been extremely fussy lately, very congested and drooly, with rosy cheeks. i can't figure out if he has a cold or if he's teething. i keep thinking i see a bump on his gums but nothing has popped through. we're on tooth watch, though, because this morning i can feel something hard and slightly sharp on his lower gums.

and, as promised, i'll leave you with finn trying to talk:

(you might have to turn the music off at the bottom of my blog)